Accepting Compliments When You Have Low Self Esteem

25 Aug

Posted by: admin in: Online Counseling, Self Worth/Self Esteem, Therapy/Counseling

by KC Kelly, Ph.d., LMHC

Questions and Answers from DOCintheBiz

Question: I am always saying bad things about myself and not accepting compliments because I think it’s the same thing as fishing for compliments. What do you think this means?

Answer: When a person says bad things about themselves or cannot accept compliments, it’s usually a sign of low self esteem. Not in all cases, of course.

Being humble is one thing and a good thing, but one can usually tell the difference between someone who is humble and one who has low self esteem.

There are so many ways to overcome low self esteem and feel good about yourself. Once you feel comfortable in your own skin, believe in yourself and love yourself, you will see significant changes in your life.

Sometimes, seeking counseling or therapy is a great idea to get to know YOU better. Through the assistance of a therapist, self discovery can be a wonderful life changing gift you can give yourself.

Please visit the self esteem section of my blog here, where you will find several articles on how to feel good about yourself that I hope can prove helpful to you. Feel free to comment and you will always receive a response from me.

We can even “talk” one on one if you want about your particular issues at DOCintheBiz.

I wish you all the best,
Dr. KC
http://DOCintheBiz.com
http://GLCzone.com

This article is copyrighted by DOCintheBiz.com and may be respectfully re-distributed for non-commercial educational purposes granted that website link and author credit remain intact.

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23 Responses

Brandi Magill
26|Aug|2008 1

One thing I am trying to overcome, low self-esteem. Great post Dr. KC!
Benjamin
26|Aug|2008 2

Tough subject Doc. Low self esteem changes ones personality and of course their outlook on how they run their life. Not loving yourself, how can one expect anyone else to love them? It seems to be a catch 22. When you can smile, as it is said, “the whole world smiles with you”. I find this very true…. We must find ways to help our friends realize their own value and get that smile going
Samantha
26|Aug|2008 3

I know what this problem can do to someone. I dealt with it for a long time. Through some earth shaking words and much self introspection, I have come a long way and changed my whole perspective of myself.
I have begun to see my worth, and the value I give to all the lives I touch. Great subject for you to write about Dr. Thanks for waking me up and giving me that little vitamin shot I needed to stay on this positive path. I never want to slip back to the old me.
self-esteem
27|Aug|2008 4

We all have to focus on our strengths instead of the weaknesses.
Always look for the opportunity in any given situation and you’ll feel better.
Dr. KC
27|Aug|2008 5

Dear Brandi,

I hope that you will learn ways to feel good about yourself and overcome your low self esteem. Just try to be cognizant of your self-talk and try to remain kind and gentle to yourself!

Thank you for your comment. Please keep reading and posting.

Dr. KC
http://www.DOCintheBiz.com
http://www.GLCzone.com
Dr. KC
27|Aug|2008 6

Dear Benjamin,

A smile sure does light up ones inner psyche and it can tend to be contagious! As my readers always here me say, “First love is self love”. That is not a selfish comment by any means, but a very true statement to the fact that one has to love himself or herself and who they are before they can love others. Low self esteem is more serious then most people think. You are correct when you say it can change one’s personality and their outlook on life!

Thank you for your very insightful and positive comment. Please keep reading and posting.

Dr. KC
http://www.DOCintheBiz.com
http://www.GLCzone.com
Dr. KC
27|Aug|2008 7

Dear Samantha,

I’m so thrilled to hear that the hard work you’ve done to raise your self esteem and how you feel about yourself has created major changes in your life! I hope you will continue on this great path, always see your great worth, and how much you give to others! Keep up with the positive affirmations and reminding yourself how much you contribute to this world on a daily basis!

Thank you so much for your comment. I always love to read happy stories!
Please keep reading and posting.

Dr. KC
http://www.DOCintheBiz.com
http://www.GLCzone.com
Dr. KC
27|Aug|2008 8

Dear Self-Esteem,

I completely agree that the focus needs to be on our strengths and not our weaknesses. Sometimes that is easier said than done. It takes work, but in the long run, we can train ourselves to think positively, hence, creating a better, happier, and more fulfilled life for ourselves.

Thank you so much for your comment! Please keep reading and posting.

Dr. KC
http://www.DOCintheBiz.com
http://www.GLCzone.com
Jennifer
27|Aug|2008 9

Low self esteem effects so many people.

Doc KC I really liked how you brought out that there is a difference in humility and low self esteem. It reminds me of the post I wrote recently about humility. It’s so interesting that a humble person usually has very high self esteem. They are so confident in themselves that they can accept compliments and not be ashamed to do so AND they can freely give compliments to others to help build them up.
Indeed there are numerous ways to build self esteem. Learning to think accurately and taking time to nurture yourself and get to know your likes and dislikes can go a long way. Self Esteem was right on in his response too!
Laurie
27|Aug|2008 10

Living with a spouse who has a low self esteem is difficult. For years I tried to make him feel better about himself and found I could never say enough to do that. So I stopped. Now I try to be genuine in what I say, not trying to prop him up with my words. I tell him good stuff when I want to express it for me and not to try and fix him. It has given me freedom to speak more from my heart and to be me more not feeling like I was responsible for him. After all, when I feel like I have to take care of him that is not respecting him because I am indirectly saying he isn’t capable of it himself. Make sense?
Dr. KC
28|Aug|2008 11

Dear Jennifer,

Please feel free to add your link to your article on humility here if you wish. I always welcome sharing great information with our readers.

Thank you so much for your comment. Together we can help so many who are lacking self esteem to figure out the reasons behind the low self worth and change thought patterns and attitudes from stinkin’ thinkin’ to positive thinkin’.

All my best,
Dr. KC
http://www.DOCintheBiz.com
http://www.GLCzone.com
Dr. KC
28|Aug|2008 12

Dear Laurie,

Yes, what you say makes perfect sense and you are handling your husband’s low self esteem very well. You don’t want to enable him or make him feel dependent as if he cannot accomplish on his own.

Remember, self esteem and self worth are not things that someone can give to us. Others can be great catalysts to lowering or heightening our self esteem, but the strong confidence and positive feelings we have about ourselves comes from deep within us. We have to believe what we tell ourselves on our own before we will believe others.

Your husband is a very lucky man to have such an understanding and wise wife.
Thank you for your comment.

All my best,
Dr. KC
http://www.DOCintheBiz.com
http://www.GLCzone.com
Eric
29|Aug|2008 13

This is an interesting topic. and I agree with the logic behind the assertions as well as the conclusions. I also see that there are other behavioral reasonings for such introspection than the ones listed. yet before I digress into those and turn a simple comment into a dissertation I will just say again that I believe (for the most part and with only a few personal disagreements based upon my own observations) that the self esteem issue is the predominate reason behind such behavior.

Eric
Dr. KC
31|Aug|2008 14

Dear Eric,

Thank you for your comment. You can feel free to share anything you wish to share in this forum. Whether you agree with certain aspects of the topic in discussion or not, you are always welcome to post here. I look forward to hearing your point of view in the future.

All my best,

Dr. KC
http://www.DOCintheBiz.com
http://www.GLCzone.com
Dr Roger
31|Aug|2008 15

You never cease to amaze me.
Dr. KC
31|Aug|2008 16

Dear Dr. Roger,

Thank you, as always, for your very kind comment.

All my best,
Dr. KC
http://www.DOCintheBiz.com
http://www.GLCzone.com
Dr. Nicole Sundene
03|Sep|2008 17

I think it is important that we give ourselves compliments every day. And we accept them!
Meaghan
07|Sep|2008 18

Sounds like a very smart man! I think often times people seek therapists to fix them and have a quick answer. It sounds like this man really learned from and understood his sessions and what he gained from them will remain with him forever! We should all be so smart as to understand that we must love ourselves, even though we all have many faults!!

xoxo
Meaghan
Dr. KC
09|Sep|2008 19

Dear Dr. Nicole,

I couldn’t agree with you more! Reciting positive affirmations every single day is so incredibly important to our inner self condifence and worth. The more we tell ourselves positive things, the more we will believe them.

Thank you for your comment.

All my best,
Dr. KC
http://www.DOCintheBiz.com
http://www.GLCzone.com
Dr. KC
09|Sep|2008 20

Dear Meaghan,

You very clearly understand the key to therapy that many others do not! To really delve into issues and find out from where they are coming so that you can change things versus “fix” things as you say, is the key.

We need to learn and understand the negative patterns of behavior and the negative self talk we often practice that can be detrimental to us and change them around to be healthy and positive.

We all have “faults” or issues and that isn’t a bad thing. They are what make us who we are. Our “faults” and “issues” can also be very subjective. What may seem like a “fault” to you may not to someone else. They may even like what you consider a “fault”. But what is of main importance is that we love our own faults if they are not able to be changed and if they are, we must not look for that “quick fix,” but instead do some introspective work to learn to make changes for the better.

Thank you so much for your comment. Please keep reading and posting.

All my best,
Dr. KC
http://www.DOCintheBiz.com
http://www.GLCzone.com
Devin
16|Sep|2008 21

Another great post, Dr. KC! I define being humble as not thinking more highly of your self that you should. Low self-esteem is thinking less of yourself than you should. Like Jennifer commented above (#9), humble people seem to have high self-esteem, my guess is because a humble person has a balanced and realistic view of self.
Dr. KC
16|Sep|2008 22

Dear Devin,

I absolutely agree with you and with Jennifer. I think you share two great definitions of these terms “humble” and “low self esteem” here.

In addition to what Jennifer said in her comment, I suppose when someone feels good about themselves they do not have anything to prove to others, and therefore, they become “humble”.

It should be all of our goals to find balance in ourselves and our lives. Understanding our limitations and faults and being realistic about what we have to offer and can truly accomplish, while at the same time, learning how to overcome our imperfections and use them for the positive is key. However, it’s always important to know that sometimes what some people think are imperfections either in themselves or in others, are actually not inadequacies at all. It’s all the way we look at them and perceive them!!

Thank you so much for your comment.

All my best,

Dr. KC
http://www.DOCintheBiz.com
http://www.GLCzone.com
Bill Bartmann
03|Sep|2009 23

Cool site, love the info.