by KC Kelly, Ph.D., LMHC

http://DOCintheBiz.com

John (names changed for anonymity) wrote in to me in a public forum (and gave me permission to post here) sharing that his feelings of low self esteem, hopelessness, and believing that he is “extremely ugly.” Please note that the e-mail was edited for content and clarity purposes.

Dr. KC,

I enjoy reading your blog so much, especially the one about being positive and never losing sight of our dreams. I have suffered from a deplorable disease called LSE, low self esteem which has hindered me in many ways. (I call it that, but maybe you can correct me if I’m wrong). Is so confusing to me because I don’t know why I think that way. Feelings of insecurity and inadequacy have haunted me since my childhood.

I was very fortunate to have found acting at such a young age as I feel that by being exposed to the theater early on has helped me tremendously in dealing with my issues of self worth and the way I see myself as a person and an actor. I wrote a film script, I will also be playing the lead in the movie if I can find someone that is interested in backing me with it, and I write poetry and I did publish a poetry book last year (my first one). I’m positive that as a Doctor in Psychology you can understand all of the excess baggage and emotional strain that a person carries with them when they suffer from this disease.

I have always felt inadequate to everyone and find it difficult to accept any form of compliment when is being given to me. I always think that when someone says a kind word of praise about me or my work as an actor, I have trouble believing that what they are saying to me is true. For years I have always thought that when someone says anything that is positive about me, in the back of my mind I can’t help but thinking that the reason why they said what they said was just to be kind and not hurt my feelings in the process by actually telling me what they really think.

Another issue that LSE has plagued me since early in my childhood is the feeling of being an extremely ugly person. I don’t mean ugly on the inside but on the outside. Why is it that for years and years I have thought of myself as a hideously ugly man? Or that if there was ever a reality show looking for the ugliest man in America I would certainly take first prize? It’s awful to think that way but is something that I cannot help or control. Perhaps you can enlighten me with your wisdom and provide me with some sort of advice on how I should handle this horrendous negativity about myself.

Blessings,
John

Dearest John,

The fact that you have shared such deep emotions in this medium for all to read, took a certain kind of inner self confidence and strength! A person who could write of their feelings of inadequacy in the way you did, has a lot of self-assurance! That is just the first thing I wanted to point out to you.

You have also done things that are not common for people suffering with low self esteem to the degree you described. You have acted in front of live audiences since an early age! You had enough faith in yourself to write a movie and star in it, as well as write and publish a book that has become successful! Again, this speaks to someone with belief in himself and a great deal of self confidence! Lastly, you had enough courage to ask for help for the feelings that you are experiencing that are making you uncomfortable! That means you know a happier, more fulfilling life is out there for you. It just may take some work to get there, but you can do it!

I know you have spoken of many things that you have accomplished in your life thus far and I, or anyone else, could tell you how much self esteem it takes to do those things, but unless YOU believe in yourself, what others say won’t make a bit of difference. Self esteem, self worth, and self confidence has to come from within YOU. Learning about yourself is a discovery process well worth it!

Low self esteem, or LSE as you cleverly called it, is not a disease as technically classified in the DSM (Diagnostic Statistical Manual of mental disorders), used by doctors to diagnose people with mental illnesses, but I can see how you would want to call it that if it has affected your life to the degree it has. Everyone doubts their own self-worth or value at one time or another during their lifetime; however, it is just the degree to which we do it, that signals there may be a problem worth looking into more deeply.

Sometimes we have to take a closer look at our life, or relationships, our past history, and delve into ourselves more introspectively to find out what is really going on and what is really causing us to feel badly about ourselves. I don’t know if you have talked with a professional as of yet, but if you have not, consider the fact that you have taken the first step!!!

Please think about some of the questions I have asked you in a prior e-mail and perhaps write the answers out in a journal so that we can discuss them.

Overall, this self-realization process (getting to know yourself better) you have entered into with me, will help you figure out what the real problems are behind your low self-esteem. Take care, and be gentle with yourself.

Dr. KC
http://DOCintheBiz.com

This article is copyrighted by docinthebiz.com and may be respectfully re-distributed for non-commercial educational purposes granted that website link and author credit remain intact.