by KC Kelly, Ph.D., LMHC

http://DOCintheBiz.com

Deeper Insight into the Act of Crying. I have read and heard many comments to my past article entitled “Is Crying a Sign of Weakness?” and I felt compelled to answer here in a new article. I have written a deeper perspective of crying, what it can do for us, when not to be manipulated by it, and when to take it seriously.

I heard many say that they disliked those who felt “self pity” for themselves and this is understandable. Or not having the patience for those who cry for attention. That too, I understand. So, the grand idea here is to learn to know the difference between true distress and manipulation.

In my article Is Crying a Weakness?, I spoke of the importance of getting your feelings out by crying and releasing the stress that usually is one of the causes of the need to cry.

For example, only allow yourself to cry for a maximum of 20 minutes over a situation and then bring yourself out of it and move on to something else. Even if you have to set a timer for yourself, this can be a great way to give yourself a starting and ending point to your “crying session”.

Then when that timer goes off, you break yourself away from your tears, clean yourself up and move on. Having a preset list of tasks to get done in the day is a great distracter so that you have a plan of action of what you will do once your timer goes off.

Moving on from your feelings that made you cry in the first place can also be done by changing your thought pattern and your attitude towards getting yourself out of the upsetting thoughts and changing your mind-set to move on to better yourself.

*For those suffering with severe mental/emotional distress, crying is a necessity to get feelings out. For more serious issues such as clinical depression or another disorder, professional help should be encouraged immediately.

Reasons why people get turned off by those who cry:

Self pity is very real, and although possibly not the most endearing trait to possess, when someone feels hopeless and/or helpless, this is what usually occurs. They should still be taken seriously and encouraged to get help to figure out the underlying reasons for their distress or low self esteem that makes them feel badly about themselves or their situation in life. They may not know that change needs to take place, or they may not know how to make these changes. This is when intervention is necessary to aid them or push them to get the professional help they need. Most times, it’s difficult for change to take place by listening to a loved one or a friend, and the person needs professional guidance.

If crying is only to get the attention of others, it probably shouldn’t be ignored either because it could be a “cry” for help that someone doesn’t know how to ask for except for crying. If ignored, it could lead to other more serious issues such as suicidal ideation or even suicide. We never really know what is going on inside the mind of another or what plans they have for themselves or their future. And I’ve seen too many times, people who seem relatively OK on the outside with a few bouts of self pity and then end their lives. This is in reference to serious issues that are covert and not obvious to loved ones or friends.

It is important to realize that what is NOT serious to one can be very serious to another. We are all unique individuals and act as such. We all cope with distress in different ways. The sad person is not the person we usually want to spend our time with, but if you dig a little deeper to find out what is causing the tears, you might find something more serious below the surface. If not, then you have your answer there too.

I wish to mention again: For those suffering with severe mental/emotional distress, crying is a necessity to get feelings out. For more serious issues such as clinical depression or another disorder, professional help should be encouraged immediately.

So, I hope that gives some deeper insight into the act of crying and what it does for people and how to better handle a loved one or friend who may cry a bit more than we would like them to.

Please visit me at http://DOCintheBiz.com for mental health self help links and the opportunity to email me for professional and confidential help with any concerns you may have. You are never alone!

Dr. KC
http://DOCintheBiz.com

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