by KC Kelly, Ph.D.

Get Busy Living or Get Busy Dying?

“That which does not kill us, makes us stronger” – Friedrich Nietzche

“We must embrace pain and burn it as fuel for our journey.” – Kenji Miyazawa

“We shall draw from the heart of suffering itself the means of inspiration and survival.” – Sir Winston Churchill

“Everything can be taken from a man but the last of the human freedoms to choose one’s attitude in any given set of circumstances, to choose one’s own way.” - Dr. Viktor E. Frankl

If you have ever entered into any realm of a philosophical discussion on any level or have ever entered into a philosophy section of a bookstore, you have heard these (or very similar) inspirational and motivational quotes. There’s not much of a way around that. In the world of psychology and philosophy, they are almost as universal as some of the slang terms lay people use everyday. The question is, how many people actually believe and live by these quotes?

Many live their lives on a daily basis hanging onto each and every syllable of these epistomologies, while others don’t understand a word, while still others desperately attempt to help those in need to live the words. The world is made up of diversity. That is what makes it interesting, fascinating and remarkable.

I have met many who have survived tragedy, outlived disease, found themselves face to face with the possibility of death through car/motorcycle accidents, witnessed the loss of life of others (sometimes graphically), observed suffering, lived suffering and they came out on the other side with new found love and appreciation for life. (Tragedy and suffering all used as relative terms as all experiences are indeed relative.) Their whole view of the world was drastically changed because of their extreme experience(s). The things that once bothered them, no longer do. What they once deemed of super importance is infinitesimal in comparison to the magnitude of what they feel life has to offer.

Many look at these people who believe this way with pure adulation and call them the warriors, the winners, the combatants, the true soldiers. Many have sycophantic and ingratiating feelings towards people like this. And all well deserved, as finding meaning is life and living life to its fullest is what most of us strive to do. “We can discover this meaning in life in three different ways: (1) by doing a deed; (2) by experiencing a value; and (3) by suffering.” – Dr. Viktor E. Frankl

Note: Please read Dr. Viktor E. Frankl- My Hero. As my readers know, I feel as obsequious about this man as I do any possible hero one could ever have. I have read his literary genius a multiplicity of times and discuss him here. We all have our heroes. Besides my mother, Viktor Frankl, the grand father of Existentialism is also one of mine.

So, getting back on track here, I often wonder how it feels to NOT be able to live by all these cliques and quotes that are meant to inspire and motivate and sometimes give a swift kick in the butt. They surround me on a daily basis and have become a part of my very being. But do I believe them all the time? I’d be a hypocrite and a liar if I said I did. I think this makes me human. I have questions just like you do. I have the same answers as you do too…more questions. I don’t believe our “warriors” are any different.

I suppose the most important question is this…Is it possible to reach a state of complete self actualization to where no matter what happens in your life, you can overcome it and live past it without regret, remorse, guilt or chronic pain? No, I don’t believe there is, but some of our “warriors” get awfully close. Perhaps they will speak to us here.

Don’t think I’ve forgotten about you… The ones who are not able to live the words; the quotes above. Who see these words as just a jumble of messy terms as they may attempt to read them through lamenting, weeping eyes. (At least you ARE reading them.) Those who don’t care if they live or die. The ones afraid of life. The ones scared to continue to breath, rather than fighting for each and every breath like our “warriors”.

I don’t forget you in the least, for I see you every single day. I am here for you and I write this article in hopes that the warriors from all over will come out and share their stories and experiences with us to help us understand something that may seem so foreign to us. I believe that everyone has felt disillusioned about life at least one time in their lives, but somehow they pulled out of it. You all are an inspiration to me. And I may not know you exist personally, but I know you’re there as I can feel you around me just when I need you. I can only hope you will come out and share with others YOUR way of knowing and exactly how it came to be that you became a “warrior”. Everyone can use an angel to help them (metaphorically) in their times of need. Even “warriors”.

Unfortunately, I find that we have a strong line of divide here. In my experiences of life, I have found that most people swing strongly to either one or the other side of the pendulum I am discussing here. Those, for example, who have battled breast cancer and won (one of my best friends) can’t possibly imagine why someone wouldn’t fight as hard as did she, to win the most intense battle she hopes to never experience again. Another gentleman, who endured the loss of his mother at a young age, took the attitude of embracing life and he lives as if everyday was his last.

Dearest “Warriors”: Can you understand? Can you understand why someone could not feel this way about life? How can a beautiful 65 year old mother who told me how she wept and screamed as she held the lifeless, limp body of the child she gave birth to 31 years prior NOT want to live any longer herself? How can the young gentleman who lives everyday with the memories of watching his father get shot in the head in front of him NOT want to live? What about the person who wants nothing to do with life and hasn’t any idea why?

Understanding those with completely different ways of thinking and knowing than the way we do, is often terribly difficult. It is our job as doctors, as counselors, as friends and as fellow humans to do our best to understand and teach those in need of help from OUR strength and belief in life. EVERYONE has something to offer.

“The meaning of our existence is not invented by ourselves, but rather detected.” – Dr. Viktor E. Frankl

Get Busy Living or Get Busy Dying?

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