16 Responses

1. Glenn D

   25|Apr|2008 1

   Imagine being the one speaking in a group sales presentation and not giving eye contact to the person making the decision. Not just how they feel, but you just lost the deal!

   Thanks KC!

2. Dr. KC

   25|Apr|2008 2

   Dear Glenn D,

   In your case example, giving eye contact to everyone in the room is extremely important. You wouldn’t want to miss the person who is the ultimate decision maker because you only focused on certain people in the group. Your point adds to the idea that when speaking in ANY group, it is important to give everyone the sense of feeling important. This can hold true for interviews and even social networking.

   Thank you for giving another perspective to this topic. Eye contact is important in so many ways.

   Dr. KC
   http://www.DOCintheBiz.com

3. timethief

   25|Apr|2008 3

   When we have online conversations we cannot make eye contact and we cannot read body language. Given how important this information gained through our senses is, what comes to mind is two things. Firstly, how much more there is to be gained if we choose to be more inclusive in our threaded discussion posts. Secondly, how much there is to be lost if we do not make the effort to overcome the deficiencies.

   When I first began to post to a social forum I witnessed those who were well know to each other engage each other in off-topic jocularity within the threads where serious discussion was taking place. They seemed to me to be an “old boys and girls club” that were not interested in what newcomers had to say, or that they were determined to make every thread into a comedic exchange. In fact, I was so offended by this behavior that I almost walked away twice. Worse still is that I know two other members who joined before me and who are now considering leaving too.

   I reconsidered my own communication and decided that I was too serious and should inject some humor in my posts from time to time. I did that and I found that I appeared to be one of the parade of clowns who had previously offended me.

   I am now making a point of trying to be more inclusive when I post to social forum threads. I am also using @Jack and @Jill to enable everyone to understand when I am directing my communication to individuals.

   I am very new to this cyber social scene and I am learning as I go. Hopefully, keeping my own early experience in mind and remaining vigilant when it comes to being inclusive will help me to address the lack of eye contact and ability to see and read body language on social forums. For, as you say above: “… it is important to give everyone the sense of feeling important. This can hold true for interviews and even social networking.”

   Thanks for providing me with an opportunity to share my experience with you and your readers. Best wishes for happy blogging to all who read this.

4. Benny Greenberg

   25|Apr|2008 4

   The eye-contact-thing is incredibly important; Even in simple things like a sales meeting with the people who wok for you. I get annoyed when I look over at one of my people and they are busy “doodling”. It is one thing to take notes - but just as you expect the respect and consideration of the eye contact - I deserve it back!

   Benny
   http://www.ya-ttitude.com

5. Dr. KC

   26|Apr|2008 5

   Dear Benny,

   Absolutely! Different cultures have their different rules, etc., about how to show respect in a conversation, but here in America, it would be nice if more respect for others was given. So many people are either in too much of a rush, bored, or thinking about something else, that they don’t slow down to actually look into someone’s eyes and truly listen when they are saying to them! Not only in social situations, but at work and school as well. I can just imagine all the teachers, for instance out there, who are giving lectures only to watch their students doodling or even sleeping in the classroom!

   We all deserve more consideration!

   Thanks for your comment.
   Please keep reading.
   Dr. KC
   http://www.DOCintheBiz.com

6. Dr. KC

   26|Apr|2008 6

   Dear Timethief,

   Not only do I thank you for your comment, I appreciate it very much as I’m sure other readers here will too. You are most certainly not alone in your experience with posting threads in social forums. I have had the exact same experience as you and have had to learn the hard way how to handle the going off topic, misreading my words and my original point, as well as the people who just want to joke around.

   After a while of trying to be serious in a certain forum, I realized that it wasn’t the place and I just started to have fun myself with it. That was OK for there.

   There are many different places where you can go to write and express yourself. Some are much “safer” than others and you just have to find your safe haven and where you feel most comfortable. Some people don’t have the opportunity to talk to people off-line and so they must find their place on-line.

   I know that in THIS forum here on my blog, you will always remain safe as will everyone who posts here.

   Thank you again for your comment.
   Please keep reading.

   Dr. KC
   http://www.DOCintheBiz.com

7. Dr. Nicole Sundene

   26|Apr|2008 7

   Weird I was just wondering why I wasn’t getting updates from your blog. I tried re-subscribing so hopefully that will help. Great reminder on the eye contact!

8. Sienna

   28|Apr|2008 8

   good reminder. I always maintain contact during presentation, because i am well aware that i need to keep their attention.

   however, when socializing with friends, i sometimes dont maintain eye contact. hmmm it’s a bad habit since i was young. i was even worse back then, i didnt even manage to have eye contact with the person talking to me. i know it’s bad, and am trying to change it. however, habit is really hard to change..

9. Dr. KC

   28|Apr|2008 9

   Dear Sienna,

   Yes, habits are hard to break for sure. Perhaps you can just give yourself some gentle “internal” reminders to give eye contact when you’re talking socially in a group of people. Try to make it into a game, perhaps. Look at each person’s eyes one at a time as you go around the circle, table, or where ever it may be. Just think to yourself that you’re going to be making each person you are talking to (1) feel part of the conversation (2) feel important and (3) feel special. Just a suggestion.

   I know this exercise is not easy, but it sure will make you feel good about accomplishing a goal and making people feel good!!

   Thank you for your comment and please keep reading!
   Dr. KC
   http://www.DOCintheBiz.com

10. Kiran Pande

    28|Apr|2008 10

    Lets look at ‘eye contact’ in the larger perspective of its power in our lives.
    Its an important tool in communication and has a substantial influence on our social behavior. With an eye contact you can probe a mood, whether positive or negative or the responses you can expect. It can in some cases arouse strong emotions if it is with smile. An eye contact with an infant by an adult has a positive effect in number of times an infant smiles. Though a strong eye contact with animals especially dogs by children sometimes may be taken as a sign of aggression by a dog and may lead to a dog bite.
    Between opposite sexes, an eye contact may narrow the physical gap and can attract them to each other. In some cases, it can arouse them sexually, even without a word spoken.
    While flirting with PIP (Potentially Interesting Person), few seconds eye contact with a smile could be recommended but staring for longer period may be embarrassing for both and may yield negative results.
    However, an eye contact puts a strong mental demand to maintain it and you may feel relaxed once you break away from an eye contact. There fore it is recommended that this art must be practiced. Secondly, as we do not suggest a blank eye contact, a focused eye contact may distract us from the cognitive task at hand. This should be kept in mind.
    Finally, I strongly believe that an eye contact produces vibrations and an energy which can do wonders in a group or between individuals. The simple proof is even without a person in front of you, you get attracted looking at the face and eyes in a photograph or in a painting.

11. Dr. KC

    28|Apr|2008 11

    Dear Kiran,

    What an amazingly insightful contribution you made to this thread! Great ideas! You have substantiated even further the magnitude that eye contact has on people and on animals as well.

    Thank you for your comment and please keep reading.
    Dr. KC
    http://www.DOCintheBiz.com

12. Jack Payne

    28|Apr|2008 12

    In face-to-face groups, eye-contact. Over the internet, name use. Same difference. Basic.

13. Tommy Buettner

    30|Apr|2008 13

    I have always made it a point to make eye contact with EVERYONE, whether personal or business. I grew up with a mother that would never look at me when I spoke, and I always got the feeling that what I said did not matter to her. It hurt a LOT. Whenever I spoke with my Dad, he ALWAYS looked at me, and that made me feel like what I was saying was important, that I was important. I decided a long time ago that I would be like him. That I would pay people the respect and courtesy that they deserve.

14. Dr. KC

    30|Apr|2008 14

    Dear Tommy,

    It’s so wonderful that you had a great role model to follow growing up and that the lessons learned from him, as well as from your mother, have carried over into your adult life.

    Experiencing first hand how other’s actions towards you can make you feel, is the best way of learning, I believe. You should be very proud of the fact that you make that extra effort to put smiles on people’s faces! Even if you cannot overtly see the smile, you can be assured they are most likely smiling on the inside because of how YOU make them feel worthy and important by the simple act of eye contact!

    Thank you for your comment and please keep reading.
    Dr. KC
    http://www.DOCintheBiz.com

15. Jeunelle Foster

    04|May|2008 15

    Eye contact is a sure way to read people correctly.
    How else would you know if someone is lying to you if they don’t look you in the eye? It is very hard to read people correctly when we hide behind a computer. Building personal relationships with people over time can also assure you that those in your list of contacts are on the same page as you.
    Find ways of productively getting your messages sent incoming and outgoing via the eye is one way of getting your thoughts, will and concentration focused on it’s aim.
    The eye must take aim and hit it’s target with precision.
    It must be done effectively and accurately or you miss the target.

16. Dr. KC

    05|May|2008 16

    Dear Jeunelle,

    What you say is very true of eye contact. It is important in so many ways. Some cultures, however, do have rules regarding eye contact, so we must stay cognizant of that as well.

    You couldn’t be more correct when you show concern and apprehension when developing online relationships since you cannot see to whom you are speaking. In these cases, you must use very good judgment and insight into what you read and write when you connect with someone online.

    I would never rule out getting to know someone in this type of forum, however. I’d love for you to read some of my posts that speak to the pros and cons of online counseling as they discuss what can be learned from another through the art of writing where there is obviously no eye contact or body language (for that matter) to “read.”

    You are without doubt a seemingly very intelligent woman who knows to be careful and take her time to get to know someone in this kind of medium before truly exposing your emotions and yourself to anyone who you cannot “see.” Online communication can be an incredible medium for developing all different kinds of associations from friendships to therapeutic relationships. But you are on the right track! Take your time to get to know someone online before you give your trust.

    Thank you so much for your comment and please keep reading!
    Dr. KC
    http://www.DOCintheBiz.com