My problem is simple: I am a convicted stalker. Spent time in prison. Had ideas of success that are no longer feasible in a post-9/11 society where people fear first, and investigate later. (I took the LSAT, worked as an industrial engineer, graduated from a topnotch school, but no corporate clog would touch me.)

My immediate family never had a dime, and knows very little about life outside small town living.

I never learned (completely) how to deal with my hang ups about my family. My dad severely abused me and my mother. Was convicted too of molestation when I was 16. Hasn’t been in my life really for 2 decades. The starting point of my drinking, inappropriate responses to females, etc.

But this is the only question you need bother with: HAS there been a case of a successful ex-stalker? (Someone that isn’t working construction, or taking out garbage, or some other 3rd rate job with a reasonable education, and some talent?)

What society deems “successful” isn’t what I should deem successful.

So I haven’t done that… I spent 3 years writing a baseball book. But it will ultimately be for me since I doubt it worth as a publishable item…at least for now.

So I have to “accept” the level I’ll best achieve now. Not a success in terms of financial, relationship or other avenues. I’ll do my paper route, write blogs, do my own education, and hope my family will listen to economic common sense.

Eliminate debt. Write (and keep) a budget. Save 5% of income for their rainy days, of which, they will experience more as they get older.

It doesn’t mean I won’t try again and again. But the stories you never hear are the failures that stay failures. You hear about the ones that turn rejection into success. Or go to some therapist to “make progress.” AND 5 years hence, are still there.

When you are labeled, as I am, have bad credit because of circumstances post-conviction, have no job prospects or avenues to them (i.e. friendships: the few I had skated after my conviction) and watch your family do same things to get different results while I had to adapt, learn to write (when I never did it well, especially if you asked any English teacher I had) and accept limitations both very real, but also perceived (to save me more embarrassment and shame), the mountain is inevitably too high to climb.

Sure, happiness is achievable through some route. Currently, I am in a long transit phase of life. What I desired, thought and worked at up to 28 yrs. is a far cry from what I at 36 yrs. of age can realistically do.

This month is also tough because it was the beginning of that end in October 2000. A really bad anniversary. By April 2001, I went to jail and stayed for 27 months. Then was forced to live in an friendless city for 8 months after that, without nearby family assistance. Went from creditworthy to credit dangerous. Could not accept 2 minimum wage jobs as my lot in that town - so I quit after 6 months. Could not afford to live there (before or after I quit), but got to move 120 miles away after that.

Money: it has become the root cause of my ills in life. Which is why I just wanted my mother and aunt to accept they screwed up, take appropriate and reasonable actions (they also have 20 cats: try that for 1 month, I have for 54) and move forward.

I have to move forward. But you can’t just hop a bus (as a ex-convict stalker) and go an anywhere and expect it all to change. That is NOT REAL. (So, I learned that much.)

So I do whatever suits my curiousity and interests. AND I have tons of interests. But I can only pursue them so far (with money constraints upon me) and so, I get frustrated when they refuse to CHANGE one thing.

What do Industrial Engineers do, Doctor? They are typically called “change” engineers. They search for more effective answers and combine whatever is needed to make it more useful, safer and productive. Now, I haven’t done a “real” IE job since April 2001, but I applied some of it to my own life.

Started writing. Blogging. Read across disciplines. Find outlets where I can.

I have to.

Intimate relationships are off limits. I haven’t actually dated anyone in nearly a decade. So what’s the point?

SO instead, I have to develop my own quirky concept of what self is. It can’t revolve around another person obviously, or a rewarding career, or materialistic things. AND it shouldn’t for anyone ELSE. But our American Society tends to DO exactly that. And if you are not married, or dedicated to 50-hour work week or buying a home, car or vacation, you are often left out of the American conversation. People wonder, what’s wrong with (him)?

Questions lead to answers. Answers lead to looks. And looks lead to me feeling all the worse about my life changing experience.

So, there is no ex-con stalker that achieves a prosperous life as we typically deem the AMERICAN DREAM to be. I wanted that. I really did. God knows my FAMILY never achieved it, with their lack of education, or job successes or other failures.

I had my one chance. I managed to move out, get a college degree, get a career started, just to fudge it all up. And it hurt. Grieving has been a prolonged process. And I know it doesn’t resonate with the likes of many professionals.

Whatever I do, I have to accept I am powerless over the people, places and things.

But tell me, how many people have you manipulated (as gently and understandingly as possible) in the past week?

I shouldn’t have to do that to a normal, logic-driven family. BUT I all ready knew how they where before my release. Just forgot about that inconvienent truth when I GOT stuck in a GPS-monitored city where my “alleged victim” still lived. TALK about STUPID PEOPLE.

I could go on and on….

Thanks for you forum.

You said it yourself, “I am a DOER”. There comes a time in one’s adult life when they need to take their lives in their own hands and stop trying to do for others who are not as willing to help themselves. This is not said out of cruelty, although it may sound like a bit of “tough love,” which it is. You seem to be taking on the act doing for others at the sake of your own happiness. This must stop in order for you to redeem your self esteem and quality of life. You deserve it. Do not allow others choices to determine your lifestyle or way of living. There is a limit and I think you have well reached yours.

I could go on about this, but without further information on your specific circumstances, I do not want to instill the way I see things onto you. I don’t think that would be fair to you.

I am sorry that you are experiencing such difficulties and all the frustrations they bring with them. There is a way around them though. I cannot tell you what those are in a forum such as this, but can help you privately to get past many of the things that are holding YOUR life back.
Please feel free to write in to DOCintheBiz if you feel you want to and can make some strong, determined changes in your life…yes, YOUR life.

All my best,
Dr. KC
http://www.DOCintheBiz.com
http://www.GLCzone.com

I told my mother for several months now, “if you don’t make a decision, someone else will make it for you.” I WASN’T talking about me.

The court put a block on her bank acct. two days ago. She’ll will likely be forced to pay up to 25% of her income to pay off several thousand dollars in CREDIT debt. The BANK has forestalled foreclosure only because we are making an effort. But the house is 3 months behind.

My aunt has $30,000 in Credit Debt at least, and probably pays installments in the neighborhood of $700 per month. She makes around $25,000 per year.

We are broke always. Driving old vehicles on delivery routes EVERY NIGHT. Robbing Peter to pay Paul.

I have offered them resources, bankruptcy books, Peter Francis Geraci online printouts, wrote a letter to the bank to avoid foreclosure. I am stressed because they procrastinate and put off reasonable tasks.

But I AM stuck. I have a felony that does not engender sympathy. The economy is taking the “good” people down. So that doesn’t improve opportunities for me. And I don’t even have GAS money to actually go looking for mediocre jobs. Can’t spend a nickel to improve my situation when it goes to their goofy choices. I do online job searches, apply to reasonable positions, no calls and no real leads.

Saying it will get better hasn’t worked. It gets worse daily for them and me.

I am so close to going to a lawyer and getting Power of Attorney over their affairs. Having my aunt declared mentally incompetent. That’s how I feel about it.

I am a DOER. After I talk and reason and analyze, it is time to DO something based on logical evidence and normal responses to crisis level situations.

They don’t do it because they have gotten into this situation before, but had an asset (home) to bail them out. That is not the case this time.

I understand the hardships you are facing and thank you for sharing them with us here. One of the things that stuck out to me that you said is, “The paper is in my mother’s hands”. You said you have done everything possible to try to help and there has to come a time when you let others (adults) make their own decisions, whether you believe they are best or not. That, I know, is easier said than done.

I look forward to possibly reading your story! Go for it!
And just keep your chin up, as in my experience, everything has a way of working itself out.

All my best,

Dr. KC
http://www.DOCintheBiz.com
http://www.GLCzone.com

Even the Great Depression wasn’t hardship for EVERYONE. Some came through it fine, even improved, others managed to handle it. Else, we wouldn’t have had the rebound due to the fighting of WWII. However, many others struggles for decades or more. Some saw things, did things out of character, etc.

Right now, the chief stressor in my own life is financial. My family is in the midst of a crisis that has two results: either we come through 2 bankruptcies better or we will lose our home and our jobs. My aunt and mom (whom I live with) are in such a hole, they should have filed 2-3 years ago. Stubborn nature, mental problems (aunt) and pride likely are the culprits. I have tried every means available to convince. Now, the paper is in my mother’s hands, but the monetary means is in my aunts. (Complex story - but to get this going, my aunt has to lend my mother the cash to get a bankruptcy in place to avoid a garnishment she can not afford.)

I work in place of my mother on a route. So it’s not like I don’t assist. But the crisis of finances not only affects America, it has tentacled its way into my consciousness in ways most do not understand.

As a result, I am going to research even more than I have about it, and hopefully, write the story of a lifetime.

Good Luck to all!

I love how you use the word “challenge” in your description of, for instance, a chronic illness. Any challenge, obstacle, hardship, distress or tribulation that we have to deal with whether it be a physical or mental/emotional obstacle is one in which hopefully we can learn from and help us to become a more compassionate, understanding, and stronger person.

Thank you for your comment! Please keep reading and writing!

Dr. KC
http://www.DOCintheBiz.com
http://www.GLCzone.com

Your post is exactly what people need to read and practice. These tips also help people with chronic illnesses. The word challenge is what I like to use because it does place a different perspective on what we are encountering or learning. Every new challenge leads to learning or experiencing something new and different.

Viv

My pleasure to give a refreshing look, as you so kindly say, to our economic issues. We may have a society of “naysayers”; however, please keep in mind that not everyone is like that. We need to try to keep the positive people around us and in our lives and try to weed out what will bring us down. Staying positive is the key to success and happiness as I seem to mention all the time. Of course we want to know of the reality of the world and life, but constant naysayers do nothing for our self esteem, our growth, or our happiness.

Your comments here are very insightful. I hope you will continue to read and post with us. Thank you very much.

All my best,
Dr. KC
http://www.DOCintheBiz.com
http://www.GLCzone.com

I’m thrilled to hear of your successful progress in getting past (for the most part) your migraine headaches! The next 40 years will prove so much more comfortable! Congratulations!

Thank you for your comment! We always love to hear success stories here!
All my best,
Dr. KC
http://www.DOCintheBiz.com
http://www.GLCzone.com

Yes, we will always make it through if that’s what we choose to do. It’s all in our attitude and our perseverance through what holds us back. Thank you so much for your comment.

All my best,
Dr. KC
http://www.DOCintheBiz.com
http://www.GLCzone.com