29 May
Posted by: admin in: Borderline Personality, Mind/Body Connection, Social Stigma, Therapists/Counselors, Therapy/Counseling
by KC Kelly, Ph.D., LMHC
What is Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD), its Stigma, and is it Treatable? Many people have written in to me concerning personality disorders, the harsh stigmas that plague them not only by lay people, but professionals as well, and whether or not there is any kind of treatment for these disorders. I’ve realized that lay people, family members of those diagnosed with the disorder(s) as well as the actual person who has the disorder have many questions about what is going with them or their loved one. I understand these concerns completely. Afterall, how can one with this type of disorder have any hope of treatment if others, including professionals haven’t any hope themselves?
The stigma is no doubt much harsh when it comes to personality disorders than any other kinds of disorders. This is unfortunate, but a fact. Borderline personality disorder (BPD) as defined by the DSM-IV is a psychiatric diagnosis that describes a long-term disturbance of personality function. It is one of four related diagnoses classified as cluster B (”dramatic-erratic”) personality disorders typified by disturbance in impulse control and emotional dysregulation, the others being narcissistic, histrionic, and antisocial personality disorders.
Individuals with BPD may show fluctuation between anger, anxiety, depression and anxiety and temperamental sensitivity to emotive stimuli. The person often is histrionic (experiencing extreme feelings in general) leading to feelings of destructiveness or self-destructiveness, feelings of lack of identity or extreme feelings of victimization or paranoia. Individuals with BPD can be very sensitive and react strongly to perceived criticism. They often have love/hate relationships with others as they tend to often feel unfounded rejection. Self-image can also change rapidly almost narcissistic to having no self worth at all. Impulsivity can be massive. Common behaviors are alcohol or drug abuse, unsafe sex, gambling, and recklessness. Lastly, Individuals with BPD are often described, by the DSM as deliberately manipulative and difficult with extreme inner pain and turmoil, powerlessness and defensive reactions with extremely limited coping and communication skills.
Professionals have been skeptical about the psychological treatment for BPD saying that someone diagnosed with type of disorder is unable to be treated. No medications work and there is just “no hope.” Clients have been hearing this and losing hope towards living any kind of quality life. I’m here to try to help reduce this thought pattern and try to turn it around as best as I can. I cannot change the medical journals or even the doctors today who have strong beliefs that genetics along with neurofunction make personality disorders impossible to treat. This can be very true. I am only one doctor of millions who is here to save some hope for those with these disorders. One should never give up hope of living a happy life…EVER.
Several specific types of psychotherapy for BPD have developed in recent years.
There is good news and bad news. The bad news is that unfortunately, limited studies to date do not allow confident claims of effectiveness, but the good news is that some studies do suggest that people with a diagnosis of BPD can benefit on at least some outcome measures.
Yes, many professionals will not treat someone with BPD as they may not be comfortable doing so, and this is their prerogative. It does not make them bad doctors or therapists, it just makes them not right for the person suffering with a personality disorder.
SO WHAT DO YOU DO? You find someone who is willing to be non-judgmental and willing to be a great support for you and your loved ones. The therapist should be willing to try many different techniques until something is found that will ease the symptoms and make a difference!
Sometimes, simple supportive therapy alone may enhance self-esteem and bring out the strengths a person has innately within them to increase their ability to fight the fight. Self awareness plays a big part in treatment as well. Learning when symptoms are coming on and being able to catch them before they cause damaging behaviors to transpire, if this is possible. Learning great coping skills to deal with these times is extremely valuable. Many times groups will help. Being able to discuss your issues with others dealing with similar concerns can help.
So, I do understand the harsh stigma put onto BPD and other personality disorders. We cannot change the way people will think or classify those with these disorders, but what we can do, is find a professional who will understand, not judge, and be willing to accept the person for who he/she is and help to the best of their ability. The key to successful therapy is in great part, the relationship the client has with their therapist, hence reaching successful outcomes for a person to live a happy and healthy fulfilled life despite their disorder.
What is Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD), its Stigma, and is it Treatable? I hope you have gained some insight after reading this article.
Please visit me at http://DOCintheBiz.com for the opportunity to email me for professional and confidential help with any concerns you may have. You are never alone!
Dr. KC
http://DOCintheBiz.com
55 Responses
Dr. Nicole Sundene
29|May|2008 1Thank you for writing about this. I think we need to let go of all judgment and all stigmas surrounding ALL disorders. I firmly believe that it is only God’s job to judge. It is my job to help. Anyone with a mental health disorder, or worried that they have one should not hesitate to ask for help for fear of being stigmatized. Part of the problem in Western Medicine is that we are VERY label oriented. Patients want a name for what is wrong with them and doctors feel the need to give them one. While certain disease names are unavoidable, some are not necessary labels that when attached to a patient may do more harm than good. In Chinese Medicine, doctors are much less label oriented and more treatment oriented. The “disease” is just a symptom that the body is out of balance, bringing the body to balance is what they will then treat. With something as complex as BPD of course treatment may not be that simple, but no treatment plan is helped by stigmatization.
Laurie
29|May|2008 2My oldest son tested out as BPD. Needless to say, our home was a war zone. He terrorized us. He couldn’t handle limits being put on him and would turn like a light switch. I have holes in walls, cracked doors and a broken heart. I had him arrested once because he attacked his brother and turned on me. Living with someone like this is extremely difficult. He is the worlds greatest manipulator and will argue that red is blue because in his world, it is. I had him in counseling and the guy helped give him some coping tools but you have to want to use them. (That was the counselor I got too attached to) Then I went to a different counselor and he help my hub and me respond to my son in a way that defused the situation. The best book I have read was “Parenting your Out of Control Teenager” by Scott Sells. It equips parents to handle very difficult teens.
This past year, my son went to off college. I hate to say it but my house with my hub and my other son has been a paradise. Now he has come home for the summer. I am already tense about it. If I have to, I will have him leave. He’s 18 now and the rules have changed.
My son is very gifted. I am an educator and went to training on the emotional needs of the gifted. How many of BPD are also gifted? In the training, they reported that a significant number of kids who are labeled things like ADHD, bipolar and the like are really gifted kids who are having a difficult time because they are wired differently.
One of the most difficult things as a parent of a child like this is the judgment of others who think that if you would just discipline them right, everything would be ok. I would pick my battles otherwise, everything would be one. So I let some things go like the cussing, that shocked other people. So if someone heard him cussing, they thought that was awful. They didn’t know, that was better than other things that might happen. I lived in pure hell. I love my son with all my heart, but I am damaged by him. I would do anything to help him, even have him arrested. No mother ever pictures having her own child hauled off in handcuffs. No mom wants to have her son push her down or bend her arm back. No mom wants to stand tall while her son is screaming cuss words in her face and threatening her and say in the calmest voice she has, “Are you going to hit me?” No mom wants to try and talk her child out of laying in the middle of the street in the night hoping a car will come. I was so very tired. I really wondered if we would all get through this alive. I had my doubts. It was only by God’s attention with all this, putting the right people in our lives that we survived.
My tears would fill a bucket. No wonder I got attached to the counselor that we were seeing. At the time, I needed to be rescued and needed someone to tell me I was a good mom in spit of the evidence. It was tearing up my marriage too. But now my son seems better. Since he has been off to college, my hub and I have become so close. We’re so good. My other son is blossoming as a wonderful young man. I just hope we all survive the summer.
Sorry to ramble. I am still full of pain. But, I am moving on to enjoy my life. I am finding and living my passion. My son can join me in that or, with my love, can move on without me. The choice is his.
Thanks for the article.
Laurie
Christine Bean
29|May|2008 3AWESOME POST! Very insightful!
Thanks,
Christine Bean
http://www.christinebean.com
Jackal
30|May|2008 4Thank you for posting about Borderline personality disorder.
Dr. KC
30|May|2008 5Dear Dr. Nicole,
I agree with you completely. Our society is very label oriented and hence the reason for the difficulty and controversy in labeling young children (especially) in school. On the other hand, getting a label for something that is truly an issue can be a great thing, as then help gets on its way to the person in need.
It’s my pleasure to post on topics for which my readers ask. Just as you do the same. We are indeed here to help and not judge and I think we do a great job of both. It’s because we have a love and passion to help others without judgment.
And I couldn’t agree with you more when you say that stigmatization doesn’t help us or our clients/patients at all. We shall live with that, however, and do our best to help those in need to not worry about what others think. I try to help people know that THEY are who matter, not those around them who will judge.
Thank you for your comment!
Dr. KC
http://www.DOCintheBiz.com
Dr. KC
30|May|2008 6Dear Laurie,
I’m so sorry to hear of the most difficult time(s) you had/hae with your son. No one deserves that, but you have stayed strong and have/are working through it and trying to get him the best help you can. The one thing that the counselor did say that was very true is that a person can be given coping skills and tools to use; however, they have to want to use them. That is very correct and holds true for any disorder, not just for BPD. Having BPD makes things tougher for the person though and that is why so many counselors don’t want to take clients with this disorder. They are very resistant to change as an overall generalization.
Thank you for sharing that reading resource. If you found it helpful, I hope others will see your comment and try it out.
For sure, having a mental/emotional disorder does not have to affect a person’s intellectual level. Many people with disorders find themselves in gifted classes. The difficulty lies in the ability to do the work because of the symptoms of the disorder. Not wanting to do the work, rebelling against being told what to do, etc. This does not mean, however, they don’t have the intellectual capacity to do the work, they just choose not to.
Lastly, it is difficult for any parent to deal with a child with a disorder in public. I completely understand that. As I have worked with the autistic population for many years, I have seen this over and over again. Many outsiders have no idea what the parents deal with 24/7. Some outsiders who witness the kinds of behaviors the kids exhibit have negative things to say to their faces! I have little tolerance for that and need to constantly educate.
You are doing an amazing job! Come here as much as you want and vent or “ramble” as you say as much as you want. I feel the most empathy for your situation. I find you to be one of the stronger people to have gone through what you have gone through (and still must).
There is nothing wrong with crying buckets either. You deserve it and it’s healthy to get it out. Limit your time crying or feeling sorry for anyone and move on each day. With your husband other son by your side, you have a nice support system. Others can’t say that. I revel in the excitement of the growth and development of your other son and how you have been handling your situation.
Thank you so much for sharing and please continue to do so!
Dr. KC
http://www.DOCintheBiz.com
Dr. KC
30|May|2008 7Dear Jackal,
It’s my pleasure. I truly hope it was helpful! Please feel free to ask any other questions you may have as well. I’m writing for you…and all my readers!
Thank you for your comment. Please keep reading and posting!
Dr. KC
http://www.DOCintheBiz.com
Dr. KC
30|May|2008 8Dear Christine,
Thank you so much for the comment. I hope you will visit back often and continue to read and post your thoughts!
Dr. KC
http://www.DOCintheBiz.com
unknown
30|May|2008 9I didn’t choose this name for fun, I really feel that I don’t know who I am, am I that kind person that all people like to talk with, or am I that angry, agressive one who my close persons feel upset from at times of tension and stress!! I feel attacked by criticism, to me it means fear of abandonment, I amn’t loved, I will be let down by all that’s why I always try to please those who r close, however, I feel I am controlled by this fear, and this makes me angry inside towards them, they r controlling me coz they know i can’t live away of them, I am dependant emotionally on them!
Do I really love them? someone tells me please, or I just feel safe by their side ! I don’t want to hurt others or myself, is it better to live alone? or I will end up getting sick if i did !
I feel unstable, I am creative, I am told that I am perfect at doing things, but i am obsessed with thoughts, I fear changes, I am confused about the rage and love feelings inside, which is the true one?!!!
I can’t believe that someone can be feeling both feelings towards the same person.
At least someone answer this question for me!
Laurie
31|May|2008 10Thank you for your response. I don’t think I am any stronger than any other person. I have a lot of determination and perseverence and faith. The strength totally came from God.
As of now, I have never felt the joy and love for life than I do presently. I know at this point, that I did/am doing everything I knew to do for my son and my family. My son is responsible for the consequences of his own decisions. He has to carve out the kind of life he wants. I have to be ok with that. Now is my time to enjoy my life and my family. It’s time to let my hair lose and ride in my MINI convertible. It’s time to find the wild strawberries in life and enjoy their sweetness. I feel a passion for life and love like never before and I am thrilled. I never knew life could be so good.
Axecity
31|May|2008 11Very informative article, you made it really clear.
I am always wondering, is it possible to live with someone with BPD? I know a wife which is suffering from her BPD husband, she is feeling guilty to let him down and leave him, she says he is good at many things, but he isn’t committed to anything without his own will, he gets stressed from a bit of a thing, and makes problems and feel threatned from anything which - In his mind - might affect his secure life.
She might be reading this article as I recommended this blog to many of my friends who might have their members or friends suffering from such disorders.
However, I would like to know, is it safe or hopeful to keep on going with that husband, can she take the risk by bringing kids from him, or this would make it worst for her life since this disorder might be inherited, and even if it didn’t, still the husband can turn their life to a nightmare for her and her child? or I am just pessimistic about that?
N.B: he refused and failed with all kinds of treatments as she says.
It’s really important for all to be aware of such issues. Thanks for your useful articles, and I would like you to tell all of us how would you advise someone in such situation?
cb
31|May|2008 12Interesting article which has a lot of good points. I am very much of the mind that Borderline Personality Disorders can be treatable to various levels of success because I know from experience a lot of the work that can be done in the area. There is a provision near where I work that does a lot of intensive CBT with people with BPD and there have been lots of positive outcomes.
There is though, lots of stigma and it is all too often, as others have said, due to labelling.
Dr Roger
31|May|2008 13Doc, I am so impressed by your insightful thoughts.
You are so calming and in control. You do a great job helping people.
I look forward to reading your postings and I love reading the comments readers write to you and your responses.
Keep up the good work,
Dr Roger
Doc KC
01|Jun|2008 14Dear Dr. Roger,
Thank you so much! Your encouraging constant comments are so greatly appreciated! I’m honored to have you reading my articles and posting like you do!
Dr. KC
http://www.DOCintheBiz.com
Doc KC
01|Jun|2008 15Dear Axecity,
I’m so glad that you found my article to be helpful!! I definitely wanted to give information to explain the basics of BPD, as it was requested by a few of my readers.
You’re not pessimistic at all, to answer your question. You are very compassionate and show incredible empathy and concern for your friend who is dealing with a very difficult situation right now. She is extremely lucky to have you in her life!
I would love to be able to answer your questions right here in this forum completely; however, every situation is very highly unique and deserves individual attention. I could never slight someone and give “generic” information or suggestions as I don’t believe that is fair to them. I would, however, encourage individualized attention be given to specific situations and issues such as that which your friend is dealing.
I hope you do understand, that in a forum such as this, I cannot give the kind of answers that your friend needs. I would need to get to know her better and “talk” with her personally one on one. And I would be very happy to do that at http://www.DOCintheBiz.com.
I do understand that situation she is living in and that is it far from easy. Please know that.
I’m always here…for you…for her…for all.
Dr. KC
http://www.DOCintheBiz.com
Doc KC
01|Jun|2008 16Dear Unknown,
It’s OK to have the thoughts and feelings you are having! It sounds to me like you have many concerns that are troubling you. The best thing that I can say that you are doing right now is reaching out for help! You deserve great kudos for that, as I know how difficult it can be.
Your questions are all so incredibly important and I do not want you to think that I am not willing to help you or answer all your questions. To the contrary, I think that your questions deserve the utmost of attention, thought, and response. I urge you to seek therapy, either through a therapist face to face or please write in to me at http://www.DOCintheBiz.com and allow me to “speak” with you one on one and get to know you and your situation better so that I can be of assistance to you in the proper and most professional of ways.
You’re a very unique individual in a great way and seem to have compassion and feelings for which may need some clarification.
Again, I praise you for reaching out for help and I hope that you will reach a little farther! You have so much to give.
Thank you so much for opening up and sending in your comment. Please keep reading and posting and remember that I’m here for you one on one if you so desire.
Dr. KC
http://www.DOCintheBiz.com
Doc KC
01|Jun|2008 17Dear Laurie,
What you might not realize is that you are indeed stronger than most. Many parents would have given up on their children (young, teens, or adult children), but you have not. I say this only because in my professional experience, I have witnessed it over and over. You have, to the contrary done everything you can for your son and now realize that your adult child is responsible for his own actions. You also have allowed your child to build you up stronger, for him, for yourself and your family. I praise you for that!
I’m so happy to hear of how happy you say you are now. You deserve it. You say your faith has helped you and now you are reaping the benefits of all the good you have done for your family! I couldn’t have a bigger smile when I read how good can come from such difficulty.
Thank you so much for your comment. You are truly a special lady.
All my best. Please keep reading and posting!
Dr. KC
http://www.DOCintheBiz.com
Doc KC
01|Jun|2008 18Dear CB,
I truly thank you for your comment here. It brings a lot of hope that BPD can be treatable and it is very encouraging for those with this disorder and their loved ones.
The label is difficult to get past, I do agree, but often it can be a blessing, as when you know with what you are dealing, you can give it the help or treatment it deserves.
Please keep reading and posting as you have a lot to offer!
Dr. KC
http://www.DOCintheBiz.com
zephyr
02|Jun|2008 19I appreciate your effort at trying to help, but to really fight stigma, it’s a must to stop describing this disorder in a language as black and white as
BPD sufferers are accused of using. Personally dx BPD, but assured that I am absolutely NOT histrionic nor narcissistic nor antisocial, I’m deathly tired of stereotypes like “the person often is histrionic” and “deliberately manipulative” (how can you say this along with “extremely limited coping skills” all in one breath?)
Instead of these broad sweeping strokes that so many professionals permit themselves when “describing” Borderline Personality Disorder, I would like to see more careful balanced descriptions that take into consideration the subtypes that are almost different disorders in themselves.
At the present time, with the DSM-IV-TR in hand two people could be diagnosed as having Borderline PD while sharing only ONE “symptom” in common! There are over 200 combinations of “symptoms” or “traits” that can get one dx’d BPD!
Perhaps the only thing that all people dx with BPD have in common is that they can not handle negative emotions - they drown in them. The intensity of the emotional pain that they live with drives up to 10 percent of this tragic population to suicide. All negative language used to describe these people helps fuel the terrible self image they have of themselves and actually is a driving force behind this disorder. The professional world in its inability to describe these people in anything but pejorative terms has a responsibility here that they seem far from wanting to assume.
Perhaps the most important subtypes coming to light in the last few years would be the internalizing- dysregulated, externalizing-dysregulated and histrionic-impulsive. The first subtype is a “borderline” hardly to be found in the DSM-IV-TR description, but struggling horribly with negative emotions and dysphoria, perhaps even more so than the stereotypical general image of BPD, which revels in seeing these people as hollowly dramatic - perhaps to assuage their own guilt at turning their backs on people who are really in enormous psychic pain. This population, who do not “lash out” at others in their pain, are
Other subtypes that totally can change the presentation of this illness:
Emotionally dysregulated and dysphoria versus impulsivity.
Avoidant attachment versus ambivalent. Most or all seem to be fearfully attached with unresolved trauma…
Autonomous versus dependant states are both quite common, but never in the same individual.
Another four subtypes “Discouraged” versus “petulant” versus “impulsive” versus “self destructive” (Millon’s inventory)
Some have also found a great degree of real empathy (even more so in men with BPD!) in these patients (Lee Crandall Park) albeit hidden or distorted by their defenses that come out of terror and despair. And last but not least, it should be noted that their hypersensitivity is a characteristic also found in those that society recognizes as “gifted”.
Doc KC
02|Jun|2008 20Dear Zephyr,
I thank you so much for posting this comment on this article! You have inspired my next article entitled “Diagnosing, Stereotyping, and Minimizing Stigmas of Mental/Emotional Disorders”. You bring up wonderful points and I felt as though I could not answer them with justice here and have written an article to address you and this issues you bring up.
I also want to thank you for commenting in such a mature and open natured way. You are a very wise and insightful person. Please look for my article to come out on by the end of the week. I think you’ll feel a whole lot better after reading it and I look forward to your response in a few days.
Thank you again. Please keep reading and posting!
Dr. KC
http://www.DOCintheBiz.com
Jack Payne
04|Jun|2008 21I’ve never read anything very convincing about the cause of this.
Is it biochemical, congenital, environmental, a puberty twist? What?
Deep mystery seems to always surround the origins of this disease.
Doc KC
04|Jun|2008 22Dear Jack,
You ask a very great question. This same question has been asked about almost all mental/emotional disorders with the same response to all: If we knew what caused these disorders, if we had it down to a specific science, we would rid of all the suffering and pain that people have to endure. And not only the people who have the disorders, but those who love and/or befriend them.
I think to answer your question, I would say that disorders are a bit of all you have listed. It has been proven that schizophrenia, for example, can be caused by environmental factors, such as severe abuse as a child. However, how can this truly be measured? There must be some biochemical factors involved as well.
So, yes, it IS indeed a deep mystery that surrounds the origins of all mental/emotional disorders!
Thank you so much for your very insightful comment. Please keep reading and posting!
Dr. KC
http://www.DOCintheBiz.com
praning5254
06|Jun|2008 23Hi, Doc! I just like to ask if online personality disorder tests really work?
I took this online test and it says I’m a schizo. I read the description of SPD and it fits me. Should I be concern about this?
praning5254
06|Jun|2008 24I forgot to say thanks. hehehe
Doc KC
06|Jun|2008 25Dear Praning,
I would be leery about taking any kind of tests online and interpreting the results as gospel.
If you are feeling as if you are experiencing issues that are making your life uncomfortable, I would strongly suggest you seek professional help to get diagnosed correctly and accurately. Your health is way too important to live uncomfortably!
Once diagnosed (or not) you can begin to feel confident that you can get the help you need in a face to face manner or even here at DOCintheBiz. I hope this was helpful to you.
Thank you for your comment. Please keep reading and posting.
Dr. KC
http://www.DOCintheBiz.com
http://www.GLCzone.com
Edwin
13|Jun|2008 26Borderline Personality Disorder has become known as a notoriously difficult condition to treat both due to the lack of effective therapeutic measures and the high level of resistance to treatment among clients with the disorder. There are mental health professionals who find the condition so frustrating that they simply refuse to work with such clients.
Doc KC
13|Jun|2008 27Dear Edwin,
Yes, what you have written very clearly and eloquently is unfortunately what most of the literature says about Borderline Personality Disorder and its treatment.
There are some therapists that will take it on, however. When someone has this disorder, I choose to encourage them to find a professional who will at least attempt to help. Even if the help is just to be a support system for the client as they go through the up and down struggle of living with BPD, I feel it is better than living with the disorder alone, scared and confused. I don’t like to think of anyone as feeling this way. That’s why I will take on clients with BPD here at DOCintheBiz. I will never promise them a cure, but I will promise compassion, understanding and an “ear” to listen and strategies to try (if they will) to better cope. Successful or not, I still believe having a support system who gives unconditional acceptance can be helpful.
Thank you so much for your comment.
I hope to see you here again posting.
Dr. KC
http://www.DOCintheBiz.com
http://www.GLCzone.com
zephyr
13|Jun|2008 28Doctors like Masterson believe that many women are being diagnosed BPD who don’t respond to therapy and seem untreatable because they really have a disorder in the lines of “closet narcissism” and are not receiving the mirroring that they need or because they have a disorder that is really more in the schizoid spectrum and again need a different kind of therapeutic approach to respond. And that many men are diagnosed narcissistic or schizoid because therapists are reluctant to see men as passive, etc.
It makes sense to me.
Doc KC
13|Jun|2008 29Dear Zephyr,
This comment was an interesting read. I always believed that diagnoses are often subjective according to what the doctor “sees” in the patient at the time of their appointment. Many generalizations are made and misdiagnosing occurs. It’s a shame. Many insurance companies won’t pay for services without a diagnosis as well, so a doctor has to often come up with his/her best guess. So, what you wrote makes sense to me too.
Thank you for posting.
Dr. KC
http://www.DOCintheBiz.com
http://www.GLCzone.com
doviine
14|Jun|2008 30As a borderline personality (age 45, diagnosed in 1977), I am having a
characteristically mixed “reaction” to this article and responses.
Since it is KNOWN that “borderlines” DO get better over time with or without “treatment,” there is no reason to even talk about keeping or having hope - saying these things actually has a deleterious effect on people with malleable identities/psyches (causes them to doubt themselves even more). ((at least that’s the effect this article potentially had on me))
Stigma? Well I know sometimes it’s impossible not to bring it up even if you’d rather not - not simply for reasons of avoiding “stigmatization” but
who really wants to bring all that horror to certain “tables?”
Causes….? To even presume some type of “answer” to that question it would help to consider the very SIMPLE definition of the word borderline.
1. a line that indicates a boundary
Also I need to give one aspect of my own personal THEORY on ALL non-congenital “mental illness.” I believe we are created to evolve. Such a simple statement. We are born into a world that has every single thing we need.. and we are born into it with every single thing we need
to function IN it.
As the caterpillar emerges equipped with the stuff of butterflies (reference to a book by Trina Paulus, “Hope For the Flowers”)
so do we emerge with the stuff of happiness, health and sanity (a reference to “The Urantia Book,” 1955) - (and I digress to take it one step further.. we are equipped with the stuff of the afterlife).
So if you somehow inhibit a caterpillar from spinning (just an analogy)
you will certainly witness some bizarre happenings as s/he contorts and
deranges itself in the UNCONTROLLABLE urge to BE what it is MEANT to
be…
Apply that to ALL living things/beings… beginning (I believe) with Harry
Harlow, early 20th century (look him up on Wiki // and youtube: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fLrBrk9DXVk) and his studies on
the effects of good/bad “mothering” (sorry chimp fathers can’t nurse their offspring and would just as soon kill them sometimes) and socialization. Fortunately as HUMANS we do have faculties superior to primates and CAN CHOOSE to heal, while the poor monkeys Harlow screwed up lived the rest of their lives in isolation (I guess).
No organism goes from whole to fragmented in one step. It “happens” over time. It is a continuum. It is also (just like EVERYTHING else) an
interplay between nurture and nature, environment and temperament, (which is btw genetic).
Oh, if only we could see it all timelapse..
On one end, the perfect human baby and the other end the schizophrenic. In between are all the symptoms of the impediment of the
survival instinct. I refer not just to physical survival but the survival of the self/soul (spirit/psyche), which also btw supersedes the will to survive physically….PROVEN over and over by the self-destructiveness
of the person who JUST - CAN’T - SEEM - TO - GET - OUT - FROM - UNDER - THE - CONTROL - OF - OTHERS so his will can manifest the way it was meant to… freely (no matter the values chosen self will is the only thing we have a right to.. and this doesn’t mean we can do what we want
be do have the choice to CHOOSE).
Enter the arenas of transpersonal, moral, and spiritual psychology and whatever new combinations of these and more develop very quickly in the now/future. Enter LOVE.
The BORDERLINE is just that….. a LINE. We (the “BPD’s”) have been pushed to the limit, either gone over the line and come back or came close to it…. we are SANE in the face of insane circumstances and have
chosen to remain so. However, the humans that we are… all of us seeking fulfillment and growth sometimes forget that the ways we saved ourselves sometimes become outdated… we have to use our creativity and faith whatever it takes to keep ahead, because we are behind and we know it. We hide it.. we want to be “in the game.”
Cure. Get in the game. Life is our best teacher. Use the courage that got you this far.Observe “winners.” (and “losers” - always consider losers with love who may learn from you). Learn, whatever it takes.. vicariously, through osmosis.. sheer force of will, whatever just stay OPEN to LOVE… and give, give, give it back.
From adoption, sexual/psych/emo abuse, Mother death, “wicked step-family,” rebellion, running away, promiscuity, drug/alc abuse, death wish, truancy, nde, burglary, institutionalization, theft, sex for drugs and money to………… sobriety (off and on), illumination, parenthood, divorce, single-parenthood (we screwed our 3 children up royally), college… and BACK to heroin/coke addiction and rehab… and NOW..
the BPD reactions thread all the way through… and I SEE it and I CHANGE it…. and I passed it on.
All 3 of my children, when I got them back (3 years of litigation) acted out immediately.. all three hospitalized with overdoses (in succession). Oh, they are genius and mega-talented and the “sins of the Father” have been visited upon them.
(Their father is a practicing Ph.D. I have an unfinished BA in psychology and now work with emo and physically handicapped. My main client is a 42 yo female borderline.)
I dealt with my children’s A grades and 1st place awards in art, their truancy, suspensions, car thefts, drug use, abortion, professional stripping…. in no particular order. They’d ace everything in school, get a picture in the newspaper for art, quit school, go to rehab, run away, come back, go back to school etc….. JUST like me and my ex.
I watched, and I learned. I’ve been punched in the face (my 1st born daughter), called every name in the book (I did not treat my parents that way). I’ve called the police on both my daughters. And through it all I did not REJECT them once. When my daughter was stripping in Chicago I told my co-workers, my heart was so broken, I was so afraid.
I did not condemn her one bit. She quit.
Now, I am a grandmother of 3. When I see my daughter treating her children in similar ways as she was treated I get so upset, it’s a NIGHTMARE. I have said things, and I have held my tongue. I stick with her and don’t meddle. I help her, I let her evolve.
I feel NO stigma…. I feel LOVE and GROWTH.
I’ve been fired from one job for insulting a clinician by telling him his “diagnoses” was wrong. Funny, he was put on administrative leave immediately after that. I’ve blown up at co-workers, spent breaks and lunches crying…. all with the recognition that it is I who must change.
I still get depressed, I still like having teeth pulled, or kidney stones, or liver biopsy so I can enjoy the opiates while I have them. I smoke pot sometimes to sleep, sometimes for a whole month. I’ve been on and off antidepressants.. and benzo’s. I’ve been single more years than coupled because I am morbidly jealous. I can become harsh and violent
in relationships… clingy, dependent…. wildly in love - kick them to the curb the next minute.
I have rare contact with my adopt/step family. I have not searched for my bio family.
I am 1000% better than the day I refused to get in the tower truck that was trying to get me down from under a bridge (over hwy with traffic stopped for 45 minutes). I got myself into a position where I could not
bring my legs back up, swinging back and forth like a child with the rescue personnel yelling instructions on how to hold my body as I fell into the tarp they were holding. This was in response to finding out my
ex had told my children (when he had them) about my past. ???? That was 1994.
I watch my borderline client, “J” get jerked around by other staff-members all the time and throw her into self mutilation, manipulation and depression over and over….. why, because they want to control her (stopping here)
Cure? What is the cure for anything? We live until we die and if you believe like I do, we live again - seen it myself (nde).
Ok, I have to stop. I have no time to summarize (I am a poet and tend to treat prose the same way).
I don’t mean to be insulting… I try to LOVE every time I have the choice.
I believe this “DOC” is very good-hearted and well-meaning and many will be helped simply because they see this in her.
Doc KC
15|Jun|2008 31Dear Doviine,
I understand your feelings where mixed when you read this article and its comments. Please know that when people write in, including myself, we all have our own thoughts and feelings on subjects. The idea of talking about this disorder from all angles may upset some and make others feel comforted. So, we talk about everything here including treatments, hope, and the stigmas surrounding all mental/emotional disorders. It’s a safe place where everyone can feel comfortable discussing issues and how they feel about them.
Please remember that when we discuss issues, we talk in generalizations because we have to. Not everyone is the same and not everyone has the same symptoms or medications that help them.
Thank you so much for your post. You were so true and honest and really shared a great perspective with us about what you have gone through. You are always welcome to post here and to share your thoughts and feelings anytime!
Dr. KC
http://www.DOCintheBiz.com
http://www.GLCzone.com
zephyr
16|Jun|2008 32Since my one and only (very) serious suicide attempt was at thirteen and I was lucky enough to be an introspective/rather introverted type who manages to internalize everything - I avoided doctors for over thirty years and I’ve quite successfully hid this dx from everyone, husband included, for well over a decade. Why? Because there is stigma, because there is an “idea” of what people with BPD are like out there that does not “fit” me. I may seem to lag behind in all of life’s goals, but I’d rather people saw me as distracted, solitary and timid than toxic and/or dangerously mentally ill.
If really forced to say something I’ll hide behind “dysthymia”, but mostly I just simply “hide” by working alone and spending lots of time reading. Whenever I have a good day I live life to the fullest. I’m acutely aware of human suffering - it helps me not emphasize my own and has made me a very good listener.
For almost thirty lost years, in order not to stop feeling overwhelmed by negative emotions, I stopped being able to feel much of anything - except for fairly rare, very bizarre outbursts that would rapidly fizzle out. When the ice broke suddenly one day, the pain that surged upward fractured my fragile psyche. I plummeted down. If I had never found (landed might be more appropriate - I was referred) a very capable caring “existentialist” psychiatrist, who knew lots about attachment theory, object relations and disorders of the self, I’d still be floating or in free fall or dead today. He knew enough to accept that therapy would be long term, but he also knew how to bring it to an end.
I’m now at the turn of the century, but I don’t mind - I never knew how to be young - I’m doing much better than I ever did.
I can’t understand people who put so much energy into declaring people like myself to be poisonous and evil - most often they do not even know what being truly “borderline” is all about - neither can I understand people who seem to relish putting down the very professionals who are doing their best to help.
zephyr
16|Jun|2008 33P.S. that should read “in order to stop feeling…” without the “not”.
P.S.S. I just had a terrible thought - I really liked Doviine’s post, I hope she won’t think mine was in any way a reaction to hers. Neglect, misdiagnosis, withholding of information, and apathy from doctors from childhood on was almost as damaging to me (precisely because unlike the sadistic abusers out there preying on children, they are supposedly there to “care” for us), as neglect and abuse from other sources. But one should always be wary of generalizing, I think my family and I had much more than our share of bad luck and that those who were in a position to help but who let us down were just all too human - not so unlike those who have BPD.
Doc KC
16|Jun|2008 34Dear Zephyr,
I can understand the need to feel as if you have to hide your diagnosis because of the stigmas surrounding the disorder. Even more importantly, I do understand that if someone heard your diagnosis and read about it, they may attach all the symptoms onto you when in fact they do not all pertain to you or describe you. I know this as I have worked with many people going through that same thought process and situation. So, it makes perfect sense to me.
I think the key is to be happy with who you are and try your best to work on your issues and to try your best not to worry about what others think. Those who truly love you will love you for who you are. That includes finding a therapist who understands and is willing to help. As I said, here at DOCintheBiz, you are never alone.
And what I mentioned above does not just hold true for BPD, but for all disorders.
You seem to have many great qualities and yes, seem to be introspective like you said. You seem to know your strengths and limitations, when you are having a good day or bad day and how to handle both. That’s truly wonderful.
Thank you for your comment and sharing so much. Keep reading and posting. It is extremely helpful to others.
Dr. KC
http://www.DOCintheBiz.com
http://www.GLCzone.com
Doc KC
16|Jun|2008 35Dear Zephyr,
I hope that Doviine will be back to read your comment. Since you two seem to have some things in common, please feel free to use this forum to communicate with each other.
Thank you for your thoughtful comment.
Dr. KC
http://www.DOCintheBiz.com
http://www.GLCzone.com
doviine
22|Jun|2008 36Dear zephyr,
“P.S.S. I just had a terrible thought - I really liked Doviine’s post, I hope she won’t think mine was in any way a reaction to hers. Neglect, misdiagnosis, withholding of information, and apathy from doctors from childhood on was almost as damaging to me (precisely because unlike the sadistic abusers out there preying on children, they are supposedly there to “care” for us), as neglect and abuse from other sources.”
I can really relate to this (you are correct.. I thought what you said about putting down professionals was directed toward me!) I was not going to focus on that.. I was still going to respond - but I have to admit
that really tickled me - Greets
In fact it was through those flat, uninspiring, had-me-wanting-to-scream from boredom and outrage, contacts that DID bring on the hopelessness
back then.
For me it was like I really wanted to be understood and any wall at all
sent me spiraling down toward self-destruction. I was able to justify
harming myself by internalizing what I perceived to be hurt and degradation.
And this is so excellent …….”Perhaps the most important subtypes coming to light in the last few years would be the internalizing- dysregulated, externalizing-dysregulated and histrionic-impulsive. The first subtype is a “borderline” hardly to be found in the DSM-IV-TR description, but struggling horribly with negative emotions and dysphoria, perhaps even more so than the stereotypical general image of BPD, which revels in seeing these people as hollowly dramatic - perhaps to assuage their own guilt at turning their backs on people who are really in enormous psychic pain. This population, who do not “lash out” at others in their pain, are
Other subtypes that totally can change the presentation of this illness:
Emotionally dysregulated and dysphoria versus impulsivity.
Avoidant attachment versus ambivalent. Most or all seem to be fearfully attached with unresolved trauma…
Autonomous versus dependant states are both quite common, but never in the same individual.
Another four subtypes “Discouraged” versus “petulant” versus “impulsive” versus “self destructive” (Millon’s inventory)
Some have also found a great degree of real empathy (even more so in men with BPD!) in these patients (Lee Crandall Park) albeit hidden or distorted by their defenses that come out of terror and despair. And last but not least, it should be noted that their hypersensitivity is a characteristic also found in those that society recognizes as “gifted”.”
Great synopsis, thanks!
I have to say it again… ‘continuum.’ Funny how the ability to “..change the presentation of this illness…” is so typical of we who as children, were forced to adapt to wild inconsistencies, contradictions, and negligence of selfish adults (addicted or not).
So depression can be thrown in there when there was “no getting through.” While I haven’t seen acting out sexually mentioned yet
(or I may have missed it, sorry), it would also include behavior that
looks like euphoria, mania, being in love!
Any way the Doc is correct, we have things in common, the most fortuitous being successful in the willingness and ability to articulate and share complex experiences and thinking.
With sincerest regards,
Marge
Doc KC
23|Jun|2008 37Dear Doviine,
Thank you so much for responding and clearing things up. I’m glad you are posting with us here and hope you will continue to do so!
Dr. KC
http://www.DOCintheBiz.com
http://www.GLCzone.com
zephyr
24|Jun|2008 38This (internalizing- dysregulated) population, who do not “lash out” at others in their pain, tend to be almost invisible: they are also the most likely to spiral down into major (melancholic) depression, and if on top of it they take to drowning their pain in alcohol, they risk becoming a sad statistic - some studies have shown that up to 38 percent of this category go on to commit suicide.
Hi! Seeing myself in quotes like that made me think that perhaps I should finish my phrase…
It seems to me that good “supportive” therapy is never simple, and well put to use can be incredibly helpful - addressing profound existential issues that normally subsist well after more behavioral oriented therapies like DBT. There’s a Swiss psychiatrist, Gaetano Benedetti, who has successfully used what he terms “positivation” in combating the intense negativity and fear fueling schizophrenic and borderline disorders; a therapeutic approach that includes maintaining a “positive and tender” transfer in the face of all odds. The “positivity” of my (great) therapist during years of “supportive therapy” was unyielding and of utmost importance in bringing my psyche back to life. His brand of supportive therapy definitely included confrontation but deftly avoided sounding critical, and it did get through. Although I earn my life differently and I prefer to work alone, human dynamics have since become a subject of passion for me.
That said though, I often wonder if a diagnosis of “Borderline PD” is of much use - except to recognize that there is an enormous amount of emotional pain, in great part intense fear and shame, that is a driving force behind all the Axis I disorders and other manifestations presenting that need to be addressed urgently? Does it really give one an accurate idea of how to proceed? Or just a desire to run away?
Doc KC
24|Jun|2008 39Dear Zephyr,
I have to agree that with a positive therapeutic experience, anything is possible. The therapist cannot take away the disorder, but can certainly lend unconditional and non-judgment support and guidance. Yes, I do believe that fear and shame are definitely factors to why people with Axis I disorders don’t get help. That’s why I wrote some of the articles here about stigma. That is where the shame part comes into play. They fear what others think, experience some paranoia, and the overall fear of it all may indeed cause they to run away. That’s why having good supportive people around them is helpful and that help aids them to hopefully find a good therapist to assist them in facing the issues vs. ignoring, denying, or avoiding them.
Thank you for your wonderful comment.
Dr. KC
http://www.DOCintheBiz.com
wwwGLCzone.com
doviine
27|Jun|2008 40I’m in a fear/shame situation right now. And I don’t feel like posting or talking about it to anyone.
It’s coming from my job. I have had “problems” of one sort or another everywhere I’ve worked. Each time, I think I have learned and grown enough not to repeat and then each time it’s actually worse.
I keep my mouth shut at work a lot, but inevitably I open when I’m about to burst. The thing is, what I want to say is not positive….. It’s usually a reaction to what I feel to be an unjust approach someone has taken toward me, or a defense of someone who has not asked for it.
I’ve made so much progress in this area over the years.. it amazes me how quickly I can spiral down in despair and even S-ideation - now depressed, don’t feel like doing anything etc…
The short of it is that I may be in victim mode, but Im not sure.
I let this new job know I can not do 3rd shift… as they asked me what shift I wanted to work. Since March I’ve had to deal with being made to work odd shifts, frequent shift changes, and I am a major insomniac. I have .05 ativan prn tid. But I don’t like to take it for sleep - despite the fact it always knocks me out I wake feeling like I haven’t slept.
Anyway I let my managers know this from the beginning. Then they told me there were no other shifts available. Finally they actually scheduled me for 3 overnights of 12 hours each, which is even worse (plus 4 hours on another day to make the 40).
Well, my first week on this schedule, giving meds at 8pm and I’ve had
two occurrences. One missed dose, and one missed int. Of course I don’t want to make med errors, these were not life-threatening but chances can’t be taken. So a meeting is set for monday. Then I get a call back saying one of the 2 residents in the home has made some sort of allegation that warrants a QI investigation. I am not allowed to do my
4 hours on Sun. I am mortified.
I’ve seen so much working here. One guy completely mixed up meds, dispensing a full 8 or nine med count switched. blah, blah, has nothing to do with me I know.
I feel persecuted….. like it’s a witch hunt…. and my life feels on hold, I can barely move.
so, I didn’t want to share this but maybe just to get it out is good.
I just can’t believe how this escalated.
I always knew I’d have trouble working in any service field, and that is all I want to do though. I knew if I witnessed things I didn’t like happening to anyone, I wouldn’t be able to be quiet about it. I can’t seem to stop it through any logic, not even that I need a job!
It’s unbalanced I know. It’s not valiant, no one is asking to be saved or even needing it. I just project myself on those I view as weaker or helpless and “go” to their defense like an idiot.
I’ve walked straight into many a bar fight because of this tendency, in my young adulthood.
I’m rambling - don’t even know if this blog is for this kind of stuff.
Dr. KC
28|Jun|2008 41Dear Doviine,
This forum is for anything that you want it to be. If writing your feelings down and sending them here is going to be helpful to you, you may feel free to write away. Perhaps others have had similar situations and can help from that perspective. Plus, you know that I will answer each and every comment that you send.
My suggestion to you is that you seek professional help from someone who can give you one on one attention and personal feedback to help you in a way that I cannot do in this forum. You have options. You can find help in your area or you can write to me at DOCintheBiz and I can help you in a completely confidential and individual way. The choice is up to you. If it simply makes you feel better and helps you sort out your feelings in this forum by just writing, you are more than welcome to continue doing that too.
Please know you know are always welcome here and never alone!
Dr. KC
http://www.DOCintheBiz.com
http://www.GLCzone.com
insan mukmin
09|Jul|2008 42The truth is there is no such thing as Borderline personality Disorder. The truth is that we live in a wicked world and there are people who are not crooked and corrupt enough to cope in this world. In the real world there is no such thing as true love. Marriage is a sham. Adultery, homosexuality, usury, corruption, cheating are the path of this world. If you can’t take this path, you get left by the side of the road and spend your life seeking psychiatric treatment.
insan mukmin
09|Jul|2008 43Fuck to humanity,
Death to humanity,
Pain and suffering,
The path of the righteous,
Death is relief,
Death is salvation,
There is no love,
Darkness reigns,
Mankind deserves to perish.
Dr. KC
10|Jul|2008 44Dear Isan Mukmin,
I am sorry that you feel this way about life. At the same time, it’s nice that you can express yourself in a way that gets these feelings out. You have a choice to change the way feel. Never forget that.
Dr. KC
http://www.DOCintheBiz.com
http://www.GLCzone.com
Dr. KC
10|Jul|2008 45Dear Isan Mukmin,
As I said in another comment to you here in this same article, I’m sorry that you feel this way about life and at the same time, find it nice that you can express these feelings. I also stated that you do have a choice to change the way you feel. It doesn’t necessarily mean a lifetime of seeking psychiatric treatment as you can eventually learn how to control your own attitude independently of anyone else. I hope you will find peace one day. You are never alone if you choose to accept the help.
Thank you for your comment.
Dr. KC
http://www.DOCintheBiz.com
http://www.GLCzone.com
zephyr
13|Jul|2008 46Okay Insan on one level you’re right - it’s a dog eat dog world. Some people can cope with it - we call them autonomous. Some people think others are still worth saving. We call them heroes. Some people still find life to be fascinating and worthwhile - perhaps they’re saints.
So be right - choose Nothingness. Zero. Because that’s it - death is NOthing.
NO mankind ? Fine for you - that way there’ll be no one around to know there’s a difference between the living and the dead. Because I bet you feel really dead on the inside.
However, for me one thing is clear: You’ll never find a caring soul if you only way of communicating is to throw the chip on your shoulder into everyone’s face.
I don’t know what else you’re on, but you’re drugging yourself with hatred.
But funny thing is, all I can see is a whole lot of pain…
Dr. KC
13|Jul|2008 47Dear Zephyr,
Yes, indeed Insan is most likely feeling much pain and confusion. What you say is extremely true about having choices of how we want to view and live life. Sometimes it just takes time and understanding that there is a better world out there. Some people need a bit of tough love to get there and others need a bit more compassion. Hopefully, they will get what they need.
I was a bit apprehensive to post a comment with profanity as I always want to make sure this stays as a safe forum at all times where people feel comfortable to come and write, however, I gave Insan a lot of credit for actually reaching out and expressing the feelings deep inside that cause such pain. It’s a start. And I knew that readers, such as you, Zephyr would write in so kindly as you did. You told the truth and gave great insight.
Thank you for your comment.
Dr. KC
http://www.DOCintheBiz.com
http://www.GLCzone.com
Jodi Raven Hawk
13|Jul|2008 48This article is close to my heart. I was first diagnosed with Bi-polar disorder. It was for Social Security reasons only. The degree in which BPD are is vast. I was not only severly depressed, went through the whole ECT treatment etc, yet have a severe anxiety “problem”.
I was shocked when I found out how similar that Bi-polar and BPD are. It is the extreme behavior that makes the difference. When you look the diagnoses the axis is different, yet the symtoms are very similar. I was a bit blown out of the water on that one, yet it was good to know where I was standing.
I was VERY BLESSED to have someone who did not put up a total doc/client wall and she was the one to pull out the book and show me the difference between the axis. She discussed some personal things with me also, appropriate to the situation at hand, to help me understand that I was NOT alone. For alone I felt. I saw this women for 7 years and miss her dearly as when I moved to another state their mental system I am afraid is rather poor. I was lucky to find a good medication doctor, yet my other “medication” doctor also seem to give me a session as well. She also called me on my stuff and help me realize sometimes I was using a bad way of trying to describe my feelings (ex: I would say I was suicidal when I just couldn’t find the words to express how bad I was feeling). Perhaps using the word “bad” is not correct, however, she was wise, non-judgemental, and would give me that needed hug when I needed it.
BPD made sense to me. More sense than the Bi-polar diagnoses. It didn’t mean it wasn’t severe, yet with proper medications and using CBT, it has helped me become more aware of what I am feeling, why I am feeling all these things.
Spirit has helped me a great deal with all of this process. It has helped me, for others, it might not. Walking the path I walk is non-traditional for most. It is a way of life. A way of life that many might not understand (ex: like a bird being there for me - my totem- when I was on the brink of deciding whether to stay on this earth plane. This occurred during my Chantix days. That bird, hawk, is my medicine. It nested in an area that it would have never nested in normally. I would look forward to watching EVERYDAY the comings and goings of this wonderful creature, thus being grateful, thus remaining on this earth walk)
I might have some limitations in life, HOWEVER, it does NOT mean I CAN NOT LIVE. I have found different ways to deal with this mental process that I have. I know what triggers me. I know how to calm myself. I know that my dreams still can come true. Having this is not the end of your life, at times it may seem so, yet it DOES pass. It really does pass. \
This is not who I totally am. I am an artist. I am a spritual person. I work for peace. I love the arts. I dislike to cook etc. This BPD is just a part of me. A part that is manage for the most part by medications. I just have some limitations as mentioned before, YET IT DOES NOT MEAN A PERSON CAN NOT FIND ALTERNATIVE WAYS OF LIVING. YOU CAN LIVE WELL AND BE HEALTHY. You can have a good outlook on life. You can choose what you want. Yes, chemicals do play a part in this. It is all in the balance of life. Without those chemicals, medications, I would not be balanced so in this world I CHOOSE LIFE and medications. Just like for most people there are good and bad times and I learn everyday new things about myself constantly.
One sentence from a book has helped me a lot. When the “unconscious becomes conscious, you have the opportunity to change”. A lot of BPD is from our past. Having the past in front of me, gives me an awareness that I do not want to behave in a certain manner. Again it all choice.
KC. THIS SITE IS INCREDIBLE. I AM GRATEFUL FOR YOU INVITING ME HERE. IT IS A PLACE THAT PEOPLE CAN BE. A PLACE FOR PEOPLE NOT TO BE JUDGED. IT IS AN AWESOME PLACE OF INFORMATION AND DISCUSSION. I KNOW YOU HAVE PUT A TREMEDOUS AMOUNT OF WORK INTO THIS SITE AND AGAIN IT IS THAT INCREDIBLE HEART OF YOURS THAT ALLOWED YOU TO GO FORTH WITH IT. WHAT A BLESSING THIS SITE IS. WHAT A TRUE BLESSING.
KC. I WILL NEVER EVER EVER BE ABLE TO EXPRESS THE GRATIDUE THAT OUR LIVES HAVE CROSSED. THE BLESSING I FEEL. THE WONDERFUL GIFT SPIRIT HAS GIVEN ME.
Dr. KC
13|Jul|2008 49Dear Jodi Raven Hawk,
I’m so happy to hear that you had such non-judgmental, wonderful doctors to work with who shared information with you and treated you with respect and dignity. It’s so wonderful that you did not feel alone!
It sounds as if you have learned amazing coping skills to deal with symptoms or obstacles that get in your way of living your life to the fullest! We ALL have limitations in life, but it is how we deal with them that make all the difference. I love to hear that you choose life and your attitude SHINES through your words!
Thank you so much for being a loyal part of this forum and for your inspirational and sincerely kind and appreciated comments!
Dr. KC
http://www.DOCintheBiz.com
http://www.GLCzone.com
insan mukmin
17|Jul|2008 50Borderline personality is not a disease but a cure. God has created people with borderline personality to end wickedness and evil in this world. People with borderline personality give away all their personal belongings. They refuse to eat so that the poor and oppressed people in this world may have a chance to eat. People with borderline personality sacrifice their pleasure so that others may not suffer. People with borderline personality know who is responsible for evil in this world - the cruel leaders and their Generals and Police Chiefs. People with borderline personality are martyrs ready to sacrifice their life for the God they love. Piss off mankind. God is great! God is great! God is great! God is great! Martyrdom is the path to salvation and happiness. Only martyrdom will bring happiness and contentment.
Dr. KC
18|Jul|2008 51Dear Insan,
I do appreciate your writing here on this article and I love the idea that you have a place to share your true feelings about life; however, this will have to be the last post of this sort that I will be able to share with my readers.
What I like in my forum, is for people to be honest, of course, but also to share encouraging words with each other of hope and the idea that people can change, feel good, and live happy and healthy lives. Please understand that your feelings are OK and they are NOT wrong and I am not condemning them in the least, I just have the ethical responsibility to protect my readers, some of which have been upset by what they have been reading in your comments. Again, that does not diminish the passion I read in your words or make them “bad” or “wrong”. I hope you understand this and I have a feeling that you do.
If you are wiling to give yourself a chance to change some of your thought patterns, ideas and views of the world….If you feel as though you could be a happier and more positive person…if you feel you would like to make some changes and you think making changes in your life are possible, I urge you to talk to someone who DOES care and WILL listen without judgment. I urge you to find someone, anyone. I can be that person for you. You will just need to click on this link, DOCintheBiz, and write to me there. If you do decide to take that route, I can promise you can write openly and freely and I will respond each and every time with ways we can work together to change your life. It’s all up to you how you want to feel and live.
Make a choice and make a good one!
All my best,
Dr. KC
http://www.DOCintheBiz.com
http://www.GLCzone.com
kate
27|Aug|2008 52Thanks for this great article. I want to add that there is a LOT of misinformation out there on the internet (some written by “professionals”) about BPD.
The #1 myth is that BPD is permanent, untreatable, and stable. It is not at all. Just because it’s categorized in the “personality” disorders section, doesn’t make it so. Long-term studies routinely show that the overwhelming majority of BPD patients do not meet the criteria for the disorder within a few years. The most difficult aspects for loved ones and healthcare providers - the “acting out” behaviors” are the first to go. The longer-term problems - the last to go - are the internal problems the sufferer has to deal with on their own: mood swings and identity issues.
Myth #2 is that everyone with BPD is manipulative, abusive and toxic, (and conversely that anyone who is manipulative, abusive and toxic has BPD.) You see this on some of the email lists and message boards aimed at “BPD” spouses, significant others and family. The people who go there are ones who are typically dealing with abusive and toxic relationships and understandably gravitate to such “support” communities - but they give you the impression that everyone with BPD is the antichrist. Some people “diagnose” their spouses as having BPD exclusively based on whether they behave in an abusive, manipulative or controlling way - regardless of whether they even begin to meet the criteria for BPD, let alone have received any diagnosis. All of which just bolsters the stereotype that BPD = evil.
And the same is true for mental health professionals. For a decade and a half I was *not* diagnosed with BPD - even though I blatantly fulfilled the criteria - because I did not engage in these “acting out” or hostile behaviors. The attitude was that if my behavior was more or less reasonable and I was sympathetic, I couldn’t possibly have BPD. I often wonder if I would have gotten the diagnosis in a heartbeat if I had a mood disorder and was an unreasonable demanding jerk - even if I fulfilled NO other criteria. (BTW ultimately it was I who had to persuade my psychiatrist of the diagnosis, and not vice versa: which blows apart myth #3 - borderlines never admit they have it. Wrong. Most borderlines who read a non-demonizing account of BPD will recognize themselves, and even be relieved that there’s a “name” for what they’re going through).
Myth #4 is that BPD is just bad behavior, not a “real” mental illness and people with BPD are just manipulating, exaggerating and not really suffering. The corrollary among mental health professionals is that if you can convince people with BPD to behave better and think more rationally, you’ve cured it. IMO that’s like saying if you can convince depressed people to get out of bed and stop saying they’re guilty you’ve cured the depression. Or if you can convince manics not to blow all their money or that they’re not the messiah - then you’ve cured bipolar. If you do these things you’ve cured nothing - you’ve mitigated some of the damage and treated a couple of symptoms - but the suffering and illness still rage. It’s a total misapprehension of what the illness is.
Dr. KC
27|Aug|2008 53Dear Kate,
Thank you so very much for this amazing comment you have taken the time to write here.
The information you provided gives so much encouragement and hope to those who deal with BPD every day. I am excited for others to read your words and take them to heart! You seem to be a very kind and compassionate soul with lots to give. I hope you will continue to visit my blog and add your knowledge and insight.
Thank you again.
All my best,
Dr. KC
http://www.DOCintheBiz.com
http://www.GLCzone.com
john chan
06|Oct|2008 54Recently I was diagnosed with BPD because I am a yoyo dieter. I can only work when I am thin (60kg - 70kg) but as soon as I put on weight (70kg - 90kg), I can no longer work. So, sometimes I am at work and sometimes I just stay at home with my parents although I am 35 years old. I have never had a girlfriend in my life and all my sexual encounters are with prostitutes. I have tried SSRIs but after 4 months I become manic and have to be hospitalised. As long as I don’t take any medication, I never get manic so I don’t have bipolar disorder. I have no friends and I spend most of my time helping my parents around the house. My highlight of the day is masturbating at home and I keep stacks and stacks of photographs of models cut out from magazines. I like women now but I liked men when I was between the ages of 14 and 25. I used to play musical instruments but I destroyed all of them whenever I get angry with life. So I have no musical instruments left. I am a very likeable person because I am incapable of losing my temper and shouting at people and I am also incapable of saying unkind things to other persons. I am a very soft and gentle person so people like me because they know I am incapable of hurting a fly. Howeve, because of my unsteady life, I am always short of money and I don’t have any friends at all. My only solution to life is to diet. Whenever I eat nothing but fruit for days, I feel like I am in heaven. But as soon as I eat real food, I feel my life is meaningless. Whenever I weigh 50 kgs, I am the happiest person on the planet. My psychiatrist has adviced me to take SSRIs complemented with sodium valproate to prevent mania. I am afraid of medication because once I took the old types of anti-depressants (clomipramine), I had seizures and was hospitalised. I know dieting will solve all problems but that just leads to annorexia. My first question is - Is eating disorder part of BPD and what are the usual treatments for annorexia? My second question is - Why does starving myself allow myself to be sexually fulfilled?
Dr. KC
08|Oct|2008 55Dear John Chan,
It sounds to me as that you have concerns that are very common for someone with a variety of different possible disorders according to the DSM. These are issues of control. When feeling in control, life seems manageable, but when feeling out of control, things seem to get out of hand and hopeless. This is very common and you are not alone.
It is very difficult for me to answer your very important questions here in this forum and I ask when people have these types of questions, they please visit me at DOCintheBiz where we can talk more in depth about your issues. When I talk with people in this way, give very individualized attention and answers to meet the needs of each unique person. What you are asking is very valid and very important for you to understand and learn. I am here if you wish to take that step.
Hopefully, you are pairing the help of your psychiatrist with that of a therapist. If not, please again, feel free to write to me at DOCintheBiz and I would be happy to help you there.
Thank you so much for writing in and sharing your very personal experiences.
All my best,
Dr. KC
http://www.DOCintheBiz.com
http://www.GLCzone.com
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