Thank you for this comment. It is my ultimate goal to always offer hope to anyone suffering with any kind of disorder.

Unfortunately stigmas are hard to break, but as long as WE know what is true versus just plain stereotyping or lumping people together, that will just have to be enough. Those with disorders are the ones who have to live with themselves, and hence, must love themselves for who and what they are… while allowing others to have their beliefs.

Those who suffer know what is real and what they have to deal with every day. One day at a time…believe in yourself!

All my best,
Dr. KC
http://www.DOCintheBiz.com
http://www.GLCzone.com

Sadly I don’t see that happening so long as the stigma and ignorance exists as it is. Thanks for this post.

Lola x

We have 30,000 members.
http://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?board=6.0

This video on communications might also be helpful for family members.
http://www.bpdfamily.com/tools/articles2c.htm

It sounds to me as that you have concerns that are very common for someone with a variety of different possible disorders according to the DSM. These are issues of control. When feeling in control, life seems manageable, but when feeling out of control, things seem to get out of hand and hopeless. This is very common and you are not alone.

It is very difficult for me to answer your very important questions here in this forum and I ask when people have these types of questions, they please visit me at DOCintheBiz where we can talk more in depth about your issues. When I talk with people in this way, give very individualized attention and answers to meet the needs of each unique person. What you are asking is very valid and very important for you to understand and learn. I am here if you wish to take that step.

Hopefully, you are pairing the help of your psychiatrist with that of a therapist. If not, please again, feel free to write to me at DOCintheBiz and I would be happy to help you there.

Thank you so much for writing in and sharing your very personal experiences.

All my best,
Dr. KC
http://www.DOCintheBiz.com
http://www.GLCzone.com

Thank you so very much for this amazing comment you have taken the time to write here.

The information you provided gives so much encouragement and hope to those who deal with BPD every day. I am excited for others to read your words and take them to heart! You seem to be a very kind and compassionate soul with lots to give. I hope you will continue to visit my blog and add your knowledge and insight.

Thank you again.
All my best,

Dr. KC
http://www.DOCintheBiz.com
http://www.GLCzone.com

The #1 myth is that BPD is permanent, untreatable, and stable. It is not at all. Just because it’s categorized in the “personality” disorders section, doesn’t make it so. Long-term studies routinely show that the overwhelming majority of BPD patients do not meet the criteria for the disorder within a few years. The most difficult aspects for loved ones and healthcare providers - the “acting out” behaviors” are the first to go. The longer-term problems - the last to go - are the internal problems the sufferer has to deal with on their own: mood swings and identity issues.

Myth #2 is that everyone with BPD is manipulative, abusive and toxic, (and conversely that anyone who is manipulative, abusive and toxic has BPD.) You see this on some of the email lists and message boards aimed at “BPD” spouses, significant others and family. The people who go there are ones who are typically dealing with abusive and toxic relationships and understandably gravitate to such “support” communities - but they give you the impression that everyone with BPD is the antichrist. Some people “diagnose” their spouses as having BPD exclusively based on whether they behave in an abusive, manipulative or controlling way - regardless of whether they even begin to meet the criteria for BPD, let alone have received any diagnosis. All of which just bolsters the stereotype that BPD = evil.

And the same is true for mental health professionals. For a decade and a half I was *not* diagnosed with BPD - even though I blatantly fulfilled the criteria - because I did not engage in these “acting out” or hostile behaviors. The attitude was that if my behavior was more or less reasonable and I was sympathetic, I couldn’t possibly have BPD. I often wonder if I would have gotten the diagnosis in a heartbeat if I had a mood disorder and was an unreasonable demanding jerk - even if I fulfilled NO other criteria. (BTW ultimately it was I who had to persuade my psychiatrist of the diagnosis, and not vice versa: which blows apart myth #3 - borderlines never admit they have it. Wrong. Most borderlines who read a non-demonizing account of BPD will recognize themselves, and even be relieved that there’s a “name” for what they’re going through).

Myth #4 is that BPD is just bad behavior, not a “real” mental illness and people with BPD are just manipulating, exaggerating and not really suffering. The corrollary among mental health professionals is that if you can convince people with BPD to behave better and think more rationally, you’ve cured it. IMO that’s like saying if you can convince depressed people to get out of bed and stop saying they’re guilty you’ve cured the depression. Or if you can convince manics not to blow all their money or that they’re not the messiah - then you’ve cured bipolar. If you do these things you’ve cured nothing - you’ve mitigated some of the damage and treated a couple of symptoms - but the suffering and illness still rage. It’s a total misapprehension of what the illness is.

I do appreciate your writing here on this article and I love the idea that you have a place to share your true feelings about life; however, this will have to be the last post of this sort that I will be able to share with my readers.

What I like in my forum, is for people to be honest, of course, but also to share encouraging words with each other of hope and the idea that people can change, feel good, and live happy and healthy lives. Please understand that your feelings are OK and they are NOT wrong and I am not condemning them in the least, I just have the ethical responsibility to protect my readers, some of which have been upset by what they have been reading in your comments. Again, that does not diminish the passion I read in your words or make them “bad” or “wrong”. I hope you understand this and I have a feeling that you do.

If you are wiling to give yourself a chance to change some of your thought patterns, ideas and views of the world….If you feel as though you could be a happier and more positive person…if you feel you would like to make some changes and you think making changes in your life are possible, I urge you to talk to someone who DOES care and WILL listen without judgment. I urge you to find someone, anyone. I can be that person for you. You will just need to click on this link, DOCintheBiz, and write to me there. If you do decide to take that route, I can promise you can write openly and freely and I will respond each and every time with ways we can work together to change your life. It’s all up to you how you want to feel and live.

Make a choice and make a good one!

All my best,
Dr. KC
http://www.DOCintheBiz.com
http://www.GLCzone.com