headshot13.jpgBy KC Kelly, Ph.D., LMHC

www.DOCintheBiz.com

Dr. Abraham Maslow (1908-1970) coined the term “Self-Actualization” as the pinnacle in the hierarchy of human needs which begins with simple survival. It is also commonly known in the field of psychology, that reaching self actualization, which is the highest point of the ladder, is rarely reached in one’s lifetime. I believe, however, that the happiest people in life, do come close because they have the courage and strength to do everything and anything it takes to grab and live life to its fullest.

Dr. Maslow summed up the concept as:

“A musician must make music, an artist must paint, a poet must write, if he is to be at peace with himself. What a man can be, he must be. This is the need we may call self-actualization … It refers to man’s desire for fulfillment, namely to the tendency for him to become actually in what he is potentially: to become everything that one is capable of becoming …”

Dr. Maslow is one of my heroes as he is one of the very few psychologists who actually studied healthy people rather than most doctors of his time and of today, who studied/study sick people. What a positive view and way to help others! Find out what does work instead of whirling in the pool of negativity of what does not work.

Many people forge on the journey to reach self actualization, but get side tracked by either intrinsic or extrinsic factors along the way and never have the chance to get even ½ way to their final destination. Whether it be the reality of life and bills that need to be paid, internal personal factors, or outside influences in their lives, they get held back in their attempt to find true happiness.

The luckiest people in the world to me; the ones I envy most, are those who are able to set off on the excursion towards self actualization with others around them who truly (whether they believe in this “stuff” or not) allow that person the ultimate freedom to find happiness. But it is not only about others “allowing” the opening (our extrinsic obstacles), but whether or not we will “allow” ourselves means to access (our intrinsic obstacles). Which are you?

Extrinsic factors certainly play a huge role in keeping us from happiness. So many people want to find happiness, but when they are stuck in the reality that is the “real world”, it is just not as easy to obtain. The musician can’t just go out on the road and play. The actor can’t just pick up and move to LA and actually get work. You cannot have the man or woman you want just because you want them. These are the realities of life and the factors that can cause us from reaching our goals which will ultimately make us happy. Not only are the things we want not easily obtainable because they rely on others to make them happen, but we may also have responsibilities that impede us such as bills that need to be paid or the family that we must raise.

Intrinsic factors may play a huge role in reaching our goals as well. Self worth and esteem, anxiety, and fear of the results of self actualizing are just three. After all, becoming self actualized means that you are completely honest with yourself, that you must take responsibility when necessary, and you that you may learn things about yourself you may not like. And to take it a tad bit deeper, your deepest fears which were once on the subconscious level, are now out on the table to confront. And whether or not you can deal with them is another story. And to go once again one step farther, not many people have the patience to even attempt to reach their ultimate potential, let alone read this blog. LOL! Sorry for getting so deep on you, but boy does it feel good.

So, back to the original point. What can we do to live in the “real world” as it is so often called, AND at the same time, attempt to reach self actualization? I have ALWAYS been a true believer that one CAN have it all. We CAN do what truly makes us happy in life, find the love of our life, and pay the bills. And all at the same time. Can you imagine that? ;) I guess the question is: How can we do this? Have you ever attempted to study the characteristics of a person you find to be very happy and fulfilled in life? Have you ever asked yourself, “How many of these characteristics do I have? How many does my job allow me have? How many does my partner allow me to have? Does my family, my partner, my job, not only support me in my life, but actively encourage me to expand? What do I do to hold myself back?”

Of course, there are SO many factors to self actualization, but I’m not here to write a dissertation. I’ve done that already. ;) I’d like to just simplify it a bit (if that is at all possible) and talk about how to find true happiness in life. And so, I leave you here…I know, you want more…but I’m not going anywhere.

I will, however, leave you with these questions/thoughts: Where do you go from here to help yourself find what truly makes you happy in life? And when thinking about that and this blog, always remember… the grass is not always greener… but there is nothing wrong with getting to the other side to see what we think of the grass and if it truly makes us happy or not. Then we can confidently have the answer to the question:  ”where is the grass greener?”

Please visit us at www.DOCintheBiz.com for our mental health self help links and the opportunity to subscribe to email Dr. KC for professional and confidential help with any concerns you may be having.
 
 
 
 
 

 

 

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